13 of the worst food innovations of all-time
In terms of the advancement of food technology, humans have come a long way from clubbing a bison over the head and eating it raw. But with that tremendous growth comes some failure. These are the 13 worst food innovations of all-time.
Photo credit: ashleylovespizza, Flickr
13 The McLobster
The McLobster is a seasonal McDonald’s item only offered during the summer in select New England and Canadian restaurant locations. This makes sense, because only Canadians would be whacked out enough to want to head to McDonald’s for their lobster fix. The item is essentially some lobster bits and lettuce on a hot dog bun – not exactly my idea of a culinary delight.
12 Gerber Singles
Have you ever longed to eat baby food as an adult, but just couldn’t find a pureed vegetable product to meet your needs? If so, then you probably long for the days of 1974 – the year Gerber released Gerber Singles. Inexplicably, these larger single-servings of their popular baby foods were marketed at college students and other young adults. Unfortunately for Gerber, not even America’s youth is dumb enough to eat baby food.
11 Life Savers Holes
Released in the 1990s, Life Savers Holes are ostensibly for those of us who enjoy the great taste of Life Savers, yet just don’t have the appetite to eat an entire one all at once. Available in peppermint and butterscotch flavors, Life Savers gave it the old college try with this one. However, as with many brand extension, one simply must ask the question, “why mess with a good thing?”
10 Heinz EZ Squirt Colored Ketchup
Apparently, red ketchup isn’t radical enough for the kids of the 21st century. At least, that’s what Heinz believed. Introduced in 2000, Heinze EZ Squirt gave the heebie-jeebies to adults everywhere by turning their favorite condiment into such ungodly colors as green, purple orange and blue. Thankfully, these bastards of the condiment aisle were discontinued in 2006.
9 Celery Jello
Everyone loves the great taste of celery! Back in the 1960s, the folks at Jello made a major push to bring the product to the dinner table as a side dish rather than a dessert. Though marketed as a great complement to dinner salads, it’s not too hard to see why celery Jello failed miserably.
8 Coors Rocky Mountain Spring Water
Have you ever wanted to legally drink a Coors product while driving down the highway? Well, such a dream became a reality in 1990, when the beer seller introduced Coors Rocky Mountain Spring Water. As Coors soon found out, no one in their right mind would ever willingly purchase a non-alcoholic Coors product.
7 Sylvester Stallone Pudding
If there is two things this world loves, it’s Sylvester Stallone and pudding. Scheming to capitalize on this clear association, Stallone released a high-protein pudding dessert in 2009 that is marketed at bodybuilders. You know, because we all know how much pudding those muscle-bound meat heads eat.
6 Cheetos Lip Balm
Finally, the great taste of Cheetos in tube form. Yes, this brand extension debuted in 2009 and finally brought the world what nobody had been asking for – cheese-flavored chapstick. Something tells me not even Chester Cheetah himself would rub this horrendous product all over his lips.
5 Colgate Kitchen Entrees
Clearly, Colgate overstepped their boundaries when they decided to create an actual product that isn’t harmful if swallowed. Unlike the fresh flavors of Colgate toothpaste, the idea of eating a Colgate kitchen entrée left a bad taste in people’s mouths. Not surprisingly, the product launch was an unmitigated disaster.
4 New Coke
The is the mother of all giant product fails. Despite the fact that market research proved New Coke was preferred over the original recipe, the world had already become accustomed to Coke’s decades-old flavor. Given this fact, New Coke was met with vehement disdain and ultimately removed from shelves.
3 Life Savers Soda
Life Savers makes the list a second time with Life Savers Soda. Released around the same time as Life Savers Holes, this drinkable option proved even less desirable. Available in the same five flavors as the candy, the idea of grape or orange soda doesn’t seem all that bad. However, the idea of drinking candy is a little less unsettling.
2 Pork Brains in Milk Gravy
Pork brains…and milk gravy…together at last! If you live in the Southern U.S., then you may be able to find this delectable canned product from Armour in your local grocery store. Check the nutritional products on the can, and you’ll be glad to learn that one serving offers 1170 percent of your daily cholesterol intake.
1 Lay’s WOW Potato Chips
Any food product that comes “may cause anal leakage” is a product destined for failure. Introduced in 1998, these fat-free chips were manufactured with a fat substitute called Olestra. As it turned out, people loved the idea of fat free chips. What they didn’t like, however, was the hour spent on the toilet after consumption.