The outside world is full of dangerous situations and psychotic people, so what's a guy to do when he wants to venture into the unknown? Well, I'm glad you asked: the key is to cover your bases. When you head out there are some items you should should never leave home without so you’ve got that ace up your sleeve when you need it most. What do you never leave the house without?
Photo Credit: Paul Keller, Flickr
"Don't be a fool, wrap yo’ tool" is how the saying goes. If you have a fifth jean pocket, secret compartment in your car or a hidden flap in your wallet, you'd best always keep a connie' (I feel like that either is, or should be British slang for condom) on you. Remember: With great penis comes great responsibility.
Photo Credit: Paul Keller, Flickr
Don't be caught off guard if you need to back up a friend in a fight, defend your woman's honor or just fend off a rabid possum. Keep some brass knuckles, a pocket knife or a sweet ass homemade pipe bomb on you and you'll feel much safer and more capable when handling your bid’ness.
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What if "Born to Be Wild" comes on the radio and you begin to feel that white knuckle need for speed? Or what if you get an unexpected booty call that takes you across state lines? These are important questions we must consider when rolling out into the great beyond. Keep that tank full so the road will be your world (which will also be your oyster...or something).
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Even if it's just a bunch of one dollar bills so you can "make it rain" on demand, cash is still important to keep on you in this day and age of plastic swiping, automatic online payments and monthly financing. Just remember the mnemonic; Kool Kash is King (or KKK for short). Something tells me you're not going to forget that one…
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So you can call your dealer, the cops, a suicide hotline, your broker, girlfriend, work colleague, business partner, poker buddy, wingman, lawyer, a psychic hotline, payphone (nah, just kidding) or last but not least: your mother, because you're a good son.
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Don't be clueless; know what you want to accomplish today. Is it a night out with the guys? Do you want to connect with a certain (or certain kind of) lady? Are you taking a drive to clear your mind? Forge a plan and then execute it to achieve your wildest dreams.
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Plans fall through from time to time, so you're going to want to make sure you've got a plan B just in case that happens. (Bonus tip: Plan B also happens to be a morning after contraceptive, though I'd still recommend a good ol' connie to me blokes.) Look up details on nearby eateries if your primary dinner plan destination doesn't take reservations. If you're going to a popular concert and don’t have tickets yet, then you make sure to keep some extra cash (remember the KKK, friends) on hand for the semi-homeless looking scalpers on the street that ask in a slightly threatening manner if you need tickets.
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You can't make a plan come to fruition if you aren't in the right frame of mind. Shed those distracting thoughts holding you back from your true potential and become the man you were always meant to be. Guyism Elite, unite.
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Oh yeah, better grab those too...dumbass.
Photo Credit: John Loo, Flickr
(Originally published on April 18, 2012.)