8 things every guy should bring on a first date

By 08.30.12
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Zorah Olivia, Flickr

As you probably know by now, first dates can be a lot like interviews; you need to show up on time, look your best, sell yourself and not reek of desperation. But instead of bringing a resume and your references there are some other things you'll want to bring to your first time meet up. What are some things you make sure to have when going on a first date?

Photo Credit: Zorah Olivia, Flickr

It's great to brush your teeth, but keeping a breath mint around is your best bet for good (or at least neutral) breath. Do you know what goes on inside the human mouth? It's disgusting. You could have an entirely good date and one whiff of your sour breath is all it takes for her to question your hygiene, sexual prowess and sanity. Don't be that guy.

Not every business accepts credit cards, so make sure you've got some cash money on your person. And what if your date wants to split the bill? You'd better make it as easy as possible, because you've coincidentally also found a cool chick that doesn't have antiquated views on partnership. Sexy! So don't just have cash on you, but have a variety of bills, including a trip to the strip-club's worth of $1's.

The lighting is beautiful, the food is delicious, she's dressed nicely and you're looking dapper as hell...but if you don't have much to talk about your date could be over before it begins. A friend of mine calls a guy she's been trying to "break up" with "Boring Andy." Ouch. If you're shy or introverted then do some prep-work by coming up with some topics you can talk about with ease (and speaking of ease, go easy discussing your thesis on the intricacies of virginity or showing photos of your jewel-encrusted sword collection) or engage your date with some questions about her life.

Knowing where you nearest exit is only comes in handy if you've really pissed your date off to the point of violence. While this has been known to happen in the occasional sitcom, what you'll actually need to prepare is a way to end the date without being a total dick about it. I know a dude who peaced out through a bathroom window and then had to come back through the front door restaurant to grab his forgotten wallet. 'Awkward' doesn't even begin to describe that whole situation. A better tactic is to have a friend call or text you if you haven't given them the 'OK' by a certain time. Then you have to go because it's an emergency, right? Legit.

First dates don't generally give you the best chance of getting laid, but some girls don't pay attention to the push and pull of what society expects of them, and if they're into you, they're going to go for it. 'It' being your crotchoidial area. Be prepared.

Some chicks are testing you every step of the way. Be ready for that by answering some tough questions in your head beforehand, sort of like you would prepare for an interview. So when she asks why you're single, what you do for a living and why your car smells like an adult bookstore, you'll be able to keep up with aplomb, you smooth bastard, you.

Women love to be around a man who can make them laugh. I don't think a more universal thing has ever been said about females, ever. (That's okay feminists, rain down that hate upon me.) But you're going to need to gauge exactly what she finds funny. Is she into observational humor? Social commentary? Dumb jokes? Maybe she just wants you to tease her a little bit. Pay attention.

Just kidding! That's just creepy...you're on a first date, not going to the prom. And on the off-chance you found a chick who loves flowers on the first date, run for the hills because she is either a crazy of epic proportions or just time-traveled from the 1940s.

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