9 things that unquestionably make you a badass

By 01.29.14
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what-is-a-badass

Badass image by Shutterstock

Having a big bank account, big muscles and a big penis may make you irresistibly attractive to shallow women no matter what your other qualities are, but those things do not make you a badass. No, a true badass can practically move mountains with awesome ability, serious technique and deep inner confidence. Let's take a look at a handful of things that make you a total badass.

man-grilling

Man grilling image by Shutterstock

Smoking, grilling, carving, fileting, sausage-making, basting, trussing up, curing, marinating, herb-rubbing, stuffing, broiling or frying, a man's ability to do wonderful things with meat makes him a badass.

smoke-rings

Smoke rings image by Shutterstock

That shit is awesome. If you can do this, you're a badass, and also possibly have an addiction you may want to address at some point.

whistling

Whistling image by Shutterstock

You just literally made two of your fingers into a loud instrument that can stop everyone in hearing range right in their tracks. That's badass.

spitton

Spitoon image by Shutterstock

Just because you're disgusting doesn't mean you can't also be a badass.

magician

Magician image by Shutterstock

No one knows how you do what you do, so as long as your act is good the sheer mystery of the things you know versus what your audience does not makes you an absolute badass...at least until the show is over.

jukebox

Jukebox image by Shutterstock

The Fonz is with you, inhabiting your spirit and allowing you to do practically magical things with jukeboxes, vending machines and ATMs.

wood-chopping

Wood chopping image by Shutterstock

Oh my &%($@ god, are you kidding me? This is the most badass thing ever. Unless of course the chopped wood was then used to smoke a hog that would then feed a poor village in some non-denominational country that I can't get in trouble for mentioning in relation to poverty. Because that would be even badder.

staring

Staring image by Shutterstock

Until the other person is frightened, horny or BOTH.

fireman

Fireman image by John Hanley/Shutterstock

Though much of the job is spent around the firehouse or answering calls for non-fire related incidents, the few times that you are called upon to fight fire makes you a true badass unlike any other. We salute you.

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