Sure, some things are best left unsaid between men and women, but too many suffer in silence and I think it's time to end that. So, for the guys that have something to say, but don't want to or know how to say it, I'm going to do it for them. Because honestly, there are just so many things women really ought to know about us. So, if you've got a special someone that you want to convey this message to indirectly then feel free to pass this along, but only because you thought it was, you know, "funny."
Photo credit: Tobyotter, Flickr
Seriously, I don't know a single straight male that doesn't enjoy dirty jokes and bathroom humor. We can certainly tone this down around you if it's not your thing, but just like you may see humor in things we couldn't possibly begin to understand, you'll have to respect our way of pulling deep meaning and significance out of hearing a fart.
Just because we enjoy certain movies, lyrics, humor, etc., doesn't mean that they're an important part of what we believe in. If a song comes on with some face-stabbingly violent or hey-baby-make-me-a-sandwich type sexist lyrics, we may still sing along to it because we enjoy the music. If our favorite movie has to do with some crazy ass third world shit happening that we get into with gleeful disregard, it doesn't mean that we'd would actually take part in any of those things in real life
When men and women are in a relationship, women's sex drives tend to drop off after 6 months or so, while ours stays the same. While that information is representative of a scientific study, it obviously won't reflect every couple's bedroom dynamics. But if you're part of that reality, then you could both be in for some tough times, especially when you get all marriage'd up. We got needs to, so consider a compromise.
Most women turn on like an oven and off like a light while most men turn on like a light and off like an oven. Meaning women are slow to start, quick to stop and men are quick to start, slow to stop. It's just another wrinkle of complexity to add to the difference between men and women.
We can't be expected to read your mind. Your emotions, which feel very real to you are often hidden to us. This could be due to your repression, our denseness or a happy combination of the two. Even people who have been together for a long time still learn new things about each other, so don't assume that we should know what's up just because. Healthy and open discourse is the key to moving communication in the right direction.
Shopping is a great example; unless there's some type of incentive here, be it a dressing room rendezvous or treating us to lunch, we're only accompanying you to appease your mighty appetite for procuring items you need for social survival. At least let us whine and groan as much as we need to to get through the day.
In the same vein as fiction being different from our reality, just because we Googled "little person albino innuit amputee village sex" doesn't mean we want anything like that in real life. Oh, the curiosity!
(Originally published on March 9, 2012.)