It's okay to be a hard sell when it comes to relationships because if you think the divorce rate is high at around 50%, then you should take a look at the statistic for break ups (which doesn't actually exist since it's so bad.) People get in and out of relationships all the time. So what's the best way to make the right choices when getting all exclusive with someone? Choosing well by knowing what to look for in a significant other, and how to look for it.
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If you're worried about the negative stigma attached to it, then you must also worry about cell phones giving you brain tumors and Y2K. That's right, I've challenged your entire way of thinking. Entering the online arena will allow you to cast a wide net in order to meet people you'd never have the opportunity to otherwise. So, if you haven't jumped on the bandwagon yet, it's time.
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If you spend all your time paying attention to what feels right in the moment, you're going to be chasing your tail (while you're chasing tail) more often than not. You should know what sounds good to you on paper as well as what feels right to you in person, so you choose “wisely” and not "poorly", as a bad guy once did in a little movie called Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
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Like most guys, you probably don't love women whose feministic (Is that an actual Merriam-Webster dictionary recognized word? Wait, don't care...) qualities outweigh their nurturing qualities, or a woman who thinks sex should be reserved for special occasions, like after marriage. There are lots of other bad things to look out for too, the trick is to know if they do or don't outweigh her positive attributes.
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Was the first date okay, but not great? That doesn't necessarily mean it's downhill from there. You can definitely find it within yourself to give her another chance. Maybe she was nervous last time, but this time you'll learn something about her that makes you like or respect her more. Unless you have a non-stop schedule and no time for second tries, it's better to give her a second chance if you felt there was any potential.
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A wise friend once told me that you will never find the kind of genuine closeness you seek from a woman without making things official first. That's because togetherness comes far more naturally with exclusivity. Easier said than done, sure. Scary, I know. But if the point is to find a relationship that works, then sometimes you may just have to hope for the best outcome and take the leap.
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Take your time and allow things to evolve naturally. It's always the strongest connections and best experiences that come together on their own without being forced. Plus, I hear that women like men who slow down so they can "last longer." Related or unrelated? Discuss.
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I know how counter intuitive it may sound to fight with each other, but having an argument (and not just for the sake of arguing) is a good way to gauge how you will work through the not-so-good parts of the relationship. A lot of couples get together because things feel so amazing and it never seems like they'll be any other way. Then they have a fight, their ideal perceptions of each other are destroyed and things are broken off. It's easy for a partner to be agreeable when things are going well. Learn to evaluate your joint ability to solve problems by taking the temperature of how you both react in your first fight.
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(Originally published on April 9, 2012.)