Everyone’s favorite person in the world: the ex. They can get under your skin and stir up bad feelings, play with your emotions and cause you a lot of grief in general. Read on for a list of the different types you may have to deal with and remember; ex, never ever marks the spot.
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8 The Sex Ex
This is the one who pops into your head when you think that a nice hot cup of fuck might put a band-aid over your current problems. But that, my friend, is a temporary solution at best.
7 The Stalker Ex
Now that our social lives are wired in, the stalker ex doesn’t have to physically follow you, stake out your apartment or send you crazy letters asking you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior (this seriously happened to a friend of mine) for the sake of your relationship which, beeteedubbayou, doesn’t exist anymore. Instead, stalkers can IM you, tweet you, tag you, invite you, share with you, comment on you, mention you, friend you and a whole host of other annoying things that add a little extra drama to our online footprint.
6 The Sad Ex
This is the worst. How can you treat your ex nicely and do your best to make her feel as okay as possible about the break if that just leads her on? There’s no easy answer.
5 The Bitter Ex
Either she’s really hurt and her self-defense mechanism turns it into anger or you did something pretty shitty during the relationship to make her that way. Steer clear, because hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn for rejection.
4 The Aloof Ex
This person is like an oblivious dumbass who doesn’t understand why you split up even though you’ve explained it to them as best and truthfully as you could. They keep talking to you out of compulsion and there never feels like an end in sight ‘til you’re both out of post-relationship limbo.
3 The Ex Who Moved on Too Quickly
It’s the definition of frustration. Sometimes it takes a combination of meeting someone new and being unhappy with the person you’re already with to spark this. It could also be for girls or guys that have no ability to be by themselves, so they move from one person to another to keep from ever being alone. Someone hasn’t heard of “adult toys.”
2 The Ex That Thinks They Can Have Everything (Still Wants to Be Friends)
Some people just don’t get that not every ex is meant to be your friend after your break up. In fact, most aren’t. Some will push and pull according to their own needs and don’t understand why it might be unpleasant to be around them now that the dynamic of the relationship has changed.
1 The Logical, Appeals to Your Best Interests Ex
This is the rare one that understands you, understands themselves, and gives you both what you need to the best of their ability. It’s the type of ex that can actually become a friend somewhere down the line.
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