7 of the worst things about summer
Each summer, we take to the great outdoors for cookouts, ball games, camping trips and a slew of other fun activities. No other season has more opportunities for enjoying the weather with friends. Social events abound and movie blockbusters rake in the cash. I think it’s even a law that Adam Sandler and Will Smith are required to put out a movie each summer. As great as summer is, it can’t all be bikinis and Long Island Iced Teas. There are a few negative things about the season that no matter how hard we to try to avoid, will return each year.
Photo credit: FreeWine, Flickr
All of God’s creatures are beautiful in their own right and have a purpose on this earth, but mosquitoes are what discharge when Satan rubs one out. It’s true, look it up. If you plan on enjoying the great outdoors this summer, then plan on going to war with bugs. Whether it’s gnats, mosquitoes, ticks or the infamous chigger, bugs are out to get you and will stop at nothing for a chance at dinning on your tasty flesh. Yea, you can bath in bug spray or purchase one of those candles, but most of those smell rather funky and probably won’t do you any favors while trying to pick up that cute girl at the bbq. But then again, constantly scratching at the red welts all over your body like a mad man might send her reaching for a different kind of spray all together.
As the temperature starts to rise in June and continues its upward climb through August and holding steady until September, cooler weather clothing gives way to mini-skirts and tank tops. Not a bad thing. But the sweltering heat also brings about funky smells. From that pile of garbage on the street to the sweaty dude on the bus that you’re certain has never been introduced to the wonders of deodorant, summer can be cruel to your nose. We’re forced to relieve ourselves from the sun’s cruel torment with fans and air conditioning which result in higher electric bills for a few months. My uncle Jimmy once saw a man get into his car on a blistering August day and instantly burst into flames. “Only thing left of the poor bastard was a fanny pack, I tell ya.”
Unless you live in a climate where sunbathing is a year round activity or make frequent trips to those cancer chambers called tanning beds, summer is pretty much your only chance to get a nice tan on that pale physique of yours. And with sunbathing often comes the sunburn. It’s painful, unsightly and results in your skin peeling off like some kind of reptilian humanoid creature from a distant planet. Not to mention dangerous and can result in sun poisoning or skin cancer later in life. So, unless you want to leave the beach looking redder than a baboon’s ass, put on the sunscreen.
4 Rising Gas Prices
Whether you just want to take the boat out on the lake or pack up the Jeep and hit the road with your friends for a cross-country trip, doing so in the summer months is going to put a dent in your wallet. Gas prices may not be as high as they were four or five years ago, but they always go up in the summer. And unless you are some kind of super genius and invented your own car that runs on dreams and body sweat or want to be the lame guy who opts for staying home, be prepared to pay to play.
3 Crappy Television
Aww damn, Lost is over and 30 Rock doesn’t come back on until the fall. Not to worry loyal television viewer, the networks have got you covered with high quality reality TV programming like, Surviving Sex Offender Island and Real Housewives of Appalachia-Incest Edition. As the days get longer and the temperatures rise most people go outside to spend time with friends and family. In turn, the networks stick on reruns and horrible reality shows that make you question the existence of a higher power. Granted, it’s not as bad as it used to be, the cable stations seem to fill this void and keep some of their hits for the summer season. But generally, the months between May and September aren’t ripe with great television.
2 Women wear less clothing and their libidos rise
Ha! Just making sure you were paying attention, don’t freak and throw your computer out the window.
“Hey let’s get some friends together and go to Six Flags this weekend, won’t that be fun?” Yea, it does sound like a blast, but guess who else thought of it—everybody. Even people in Tibet, and they don’t even have a Six Flags! And the same can be said for water parks, beaches, concerts or just about any other fun outdoor activity. Kids are out of school for the summer and parents have to take them somewhere if they don’t want to go crazy and go on a murderous rampage. And with crowds come long tiresome lines and short tempers. Here’s a tip, plan on going to the water park on a Tuesday when there is an overcast or chance of rain. Yes, you might not get a tan, but you’ll also have much shorter lines than going on a sunny weekend.