WTFlorida: Coffin found stuffed full of zombie killing weapons
As a native-born Floridian, I find sadistic joy in reading the innumerable daily WTF stories that come out of America’s penis-shaped state. Soon I’ll be compiling a weekly round up of the MOST WTF of all these Florida stories, but for now I’ll be bringing you an occasional peak at the most WTFlorida of all.
Today, we head on down to De Leon Springs, located somewhere in the middle of the state between Daytona Beach & Ocala. Which as we all know is a likely candidate for a zombie outbreak.
I’m serious, where else in the world (maybe Russia?!) would a zombie outbreak occur other than Florida? Nowhere. It just makes sense.
Now let’s take a bit about what was in the coffin, shall we? A cross-bow, a bat with spikes, some knives? And the neighbors are concerned because it’s near a city-park.
(I’m assuming this is what the bat looked like, though I can’t be certain)
They’re not concerned that people exist, in this world we inhabit, that ACTUALLY THINK zombies may one day walk it with us. Furthermore, they’re not concerned that those people who believe in zombies are so steadfast in their beliefs that they’re willing to LOAD UP A F*CKING COFFIN full of weapons. The residents/neighbors are only concerned that it happened near a city park.
Please, please don’t change Florida. While I haven’t walked the greens of your mosquito infested golf courses in a few years, you’re still as deep in my heart as ever.