The 5 Biggest Douchebags of 2009

by 8 years ago

Who doesn't love a good douchebag? Douchebags are not only well-suited tools for repairing a spoiled vag*na but they are also unsavory human beings put on this earth for our entertainment. I hate latter version of the douchebag just as much as the next guy, but when I look at a sizable douche and then take a long, glaring look at my beautiful face in the mirror, I feel that much better about myself. So for that moment — when I am overtaken with joy and jubilation that I don't have a flesh colored beard or that my hair isn't blown out and most of all that nothing in my closet has anything that even closely resembles tattoo art on it — I am grateful. Each year, the media, popular reality TV shows and blogs (such as this gem) make America aware that somewhere in this great country, there are big bad douches that are more famous and wealthy than you and I. This is a fact. A fact so disgusting that it forced me to make a list of the 5 biggest douchebags in 2009. I can't think of a better way to end the year than to air my grievances towards these walking cancers. I am not sure what hell is like but I'd have to imagine these 5 dickheads will all be there in some capacity.

Jimmy Football

All that I can say is that I wish his mother was Molly Miscarriage.

Spencer Pratt 

Although this retard hasn't made noise in the last couple of months you just know something in on the horizon. After all, it's hard to keep a good douche down. Earlier this year, when it was brought to my attention that flesh face had a rap song, I not only proclaimed my deep-seeded hatred for him, but I pretty much crowned him the douche to end all douches.

Jon Gosselin [inline:jon] As far as I'm concerned, any man that has a clothing deal, of any kind, with Ed Hardy is c*nt cleaner in its purest form. I'd give anything to wipe my shitty ass with his face.

The Cast of the Jersy Shore [inline:jersy] Every last one of them is a douche. Women included. They are Douchettes — a moniker that they would surely embrace and enjoy. By the way, for all of you out there with no plans this evening (losers) and feeling sorry for yourself, there is a new episode on MTV tonight. If that doesn't make you feel like your life is worth living than nothing will. Scott Dicisk [inline:scott] Otherwise known as Mr. Kourtney Kardashian, Scott is an extraordinary deadbeat that, by the looks of it, he not only lives off his parent's money but he is probably still breast fed too. There are our standouts for 2009, unleash your own in the comments.


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