The 5 Most Disgusting Sex Acts On Urban Dictionary And Whether Or Not They’re Worth Doing On A Scale From 1 – 10

by 3 years ago  •  7 Comments
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Urban Dictionary is my go-to for whenever I come across words I don’t know that sound like an intelligent yet mostly immature high school student could’ve made them up. I don’t know if you guys have realized this, but creating words takes some thinking. You can’t just be like “Okay I’m going to make up the word ‘flurppbglurb’ and it’s going to mean ‘that thing where you look at your poop after you’ve taken a dump and admire your work.’” If you can’t imagine someone saying “flurppbglurb” in everyday conversation, it’s not gonna work.

Yet on Urban Dictionary we have a goddamn Thanksgiving cornucopia of fake words with fake definitions created by depraved individuals who have too much time on their hands when they’re not posting dick pics on 4chan. It’s simultaneously impressive and disgusting; why would someone want to felch their friend while munting their aunt? And don’t worry if you don’t know what “felching”, “munting” or “truffle butter” is, because you’re about to find out…for better or for worse.

1. Felching

felching
If you can felch from any human orfice that means you can also felch from an ear, nose, mouth, that magical 4th hole that Family Guy keeps talking about…not every hole you’ve got is necessarily dirty. Plus, semen has a shitload of protein in it which I’m told makes your teeth whiter. What’s that? It doesn’t make your teeth whiter? But every single dude I’ve blown told me tha- wait…

Is felching worth doing?: 6/10, for health reasons.

2. Munting

Munting
Do you know how much dirt you’d have to dig through to get to a corpse? If you plan ahead and take some pre-workout before shovelin’ up dear Aunt Sally I’m sure that’d count as your cardio/strength workout for the day. As for drinking corpse fluids, I Googled whether or not formaldehyde could get you high and the results were that CONGRATS! You’ll get cancer. And vomit. And most likely die…or at least go into a coma, which is great for your relatives because it means they’ll get all the hospital meals you don’t eat because you’re, duh, in a coma.

Is munting worth doing?: 0/10 if you’re the one drinking corpse fluids
5/10 if you’re the one digging up the body and blowing it
10/10 if you’re related to the formaldehyde guzzler because who doesn’t like free food?

3. Truffle Butter

truffle butter
Truffle butter — what a nice change of pace since this one won’t give anyone nightmares (or will it). I don’t know if you guys know this, but going straight from anal to pussy will probably give your girl a UTI, which is basically the equivalent of pissing a never-ending stream of hot lava forever and ever and then getting a kidney infection and dying. Do you want to die from hot lava urination? Do you want to explain to the EMTs what truffle butter is? I didn’t think so.

Is truffle butter worth doing?: 10/10 for the guys because why not
0/10 for girls because lava pissing

4. Alabama Hot Pocket

alabama hot pocket

I’m confused how you’d even physically do this, which I’ve illustrated below with my beautiful Photoshop skills:

hot pocketing

See how that guy is floating in the air? Is he supposed to be fucking Kazaam or some genie-lookin’ motherfucker who can float in the air? Is this meant to only be done by Harry Potter? Or that flying carpet from Aladdin? Does that carpet even take dumps? This has given more questions than I started with, which is bullshit because I hate using my brain.

Is an Alabama hot pocket worth doing?: 0/10 for being physically impossible and putting my braincells to work

 

5. Abe Lincoln

abe lincoln

I don’t see how this has any downsides. Can’t grow facial hair on your own? No problem! Just knock yourself unconscious in a questionable part of town and chances are that you’ll wake up with a brand-spankin’ new beard and top hat. It’s cheaper than paying for hair plugs and a bikini wax, plus by the time you wake up I’m sure someone will have cleaned that jizz off your face…or not.

Is an Abe Lincoln worth doing?: 10/10 why would you NOT do this.

[Definitions via Urban Dictionary, header image via Shutterstock]


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