7 Reasons Why Being Bald Rocks!
1. Saves you money.
Bald guys don’t waste beer and video game money buying shampoo, gels, conditioners, and that other girly crap. They certainly don’t have to routinely pay some tattooed gal in a salon or some 60 year-old guy in a barber shop good money for a monthly haircut.
2. No “bad hair days.”
That naked noggin is ready to go as soon as you wake up! Add to that, your motorcycle helmet and ball cap will fit better than you ever thought it could
3. Life is short.
Shower time is cut in half. The time you save not dealing with hair can be spent doing other, more important things. Like drinking beer and chasing women. Which, brings up the important reasons:
4. Recent research has shown bald men are manlier.
A three-part study by University of Pennsylvania researcher Alfred Mannes, published in the July 2012 issue of “Social Psychological and Personality Science,” confirms this fact. Mannes showed 60 people pictures of men with different levels of baldness and asked them to rate them in four categories: masculinity, strength, dominance, and leadership potential and bald guys kicked ass!
5. Women either don’t care about you being bald, or they actually like it.
If this isn’t true, then how is it 52 year-old Stanley Tucci was chosen “the Sexiest Actor Alive” by Glamour magazine two years running in 2012 and 2013? How is it he also made People Magazine’s list of sexy people 10 years prior in 2002? All without a hair on his head!
And you’ve probably never heard of Stanley Tucci!
Also, bald guys actually attract attention. Plus, “Want to help me shave my head?” is kind of a unique pick-up line.
6. No one questions your toughness.
Unless you’re in the Max Wing at Pelican Bay, where everyone is bald, shaving your head carries with it an air of “Yes, I am the baddest motherfucker here.”
There’s a reason Ben Kingsley’s portrayal of Don Logan in the 2002 gangster film “Sexy Beast” and Bryan Cranston’s Walter White, the meth-dealing anti-hero in AMC’s “Breaking Bad” shaved their heads: Because it’s tough-looking.
#7: No one questions your confidence.
Someone sees you proudly strolling along with your bald head and they realize instantly you’ve met the demon head-on and kicked its ass. No one wants to see a guy with a comb-over. And only a weenie with no self-confidence gets “hair replacement.” We’ve all seen those horrible commercials.
Some words of caution:
If you pair your newly bald head with black rim glasses, skinny jeans and a sweater, and order a PBR at some local bar while listening to some crappy amateur indie-band play horrible folk music covers, your chrome dome won’t help. You’ll still be a hipster douche.
Buying brand name razors can get really expensive. So there’s this.
Razors are sharp.
So, if you notice a few extra hairs in the bottom of the shower each morning, just embrace it! Grab that razor and put in some work!
Stanley Tucci pic via Wikimedia