7 Tips to Getting Laid This Halloween

By 10.26.12

7. Don’t Be Creepy
This one may sound like common sense, but for some people as soon as that costume goes on; “Creep Mode” engages and they feel obligated to stay in whatever weird character they are. Unless your costume is Channing Tatum in Magic Mike, don’t do this. Even though you’re dressed up as something wild and she’s dressed up as something slutty, you’re still going to have to talk to her as a real human in order to do the deed.

Note: If you actually dress up as Channing Tatum from Magic Mike, I’m worried about you bro.

6. Be Something Awesome
Last week I wrote an article about what your costume says to the ladies: →http://www.brobible.com/life/article/8-types-of-halloween-costumes But in summation don’t be something sh*tty and cliché. Be something that will be remembered and possibly even start a conversation. Show off your creativity and sense of humor. B*tches love a sense of humor. This is a major part of the Halloween game.

Note: Laughter is an aphrodisiac, so regardless of what your costume is, make her laugh and she will be putty in your hands.

5. Keep It Simple
You’re costume should be awesome as stated above, but it should also not hinder your ability to see, or quickly get a piece of “dat ass.” Would it be awesome to have a complete replica of the Iron Man suit? Yes. Would it be awesome to try and take that suit off in a 3×3 bathroom stall while a Slutty Maid tries to grab your equipment? No. Always plan for easy access, just in case.

Note: There are always exceptions to the rule, in some cases the elaborate costumes will draw a lot of attention and will not hinder you getting laid.

4. Create a Story Behind Your Costume
This is good thing to have in your back pocket for the conversation that is guaranteed to happen with every single girl you talk to:

Girl: Oh my god what are you supposed to be?
You: Me? I am (INSERT COSTUME HERE) from the movie.
Girl: Haha that’s awesome!
You: Yeah I used to be really good friends with the actor that played (INSERT COSTUME HERE) that’s why my costume is so accurate.
Girl: I had no idea! We should do shots!
You: Yes we should.

And just like that, you’re in. Now obviously that was a hypothetical conversation, but as you can see this tactic is very powerful and is capable of producing the results as described above.

Note: If she doesn’t ask about your costume, immediately start talking about hers. Remember, girls love hearing themselves talk.

3. Drink… But Not Too Much
Another common sense tip, but here is what usually happens. Since it is Halloween and you’re all excited to dress up like Bane, your adrenaline starts rushing and before you know it you’ve taken 19 shots and can no longer function for the remainder of the evening. This will pose major issues in obtaining a lady for the evening. Pace yourself for the long night ahead and use all that extra Bane adrenaline to heighten your game.

Note: The punch will be spiked and it will probably be delicious, I understand that sometimes it’s not even your fault when you blackout and wake up in a bush.

2. Do Not Fight
You and a ton of other people dressed up as Batman, but there are twice as many Banes. What do you do? NOTHING. It was cool to pretend fight your nemesis when you were in 2nd grade, but now it’s just immature and tacky. Plus if things escalate to a real fight because you called Bane a “Fag” you look even more like an immature douche. Have fun with your costume but don’t compromise the vagina to yell at an unsuspecting Bane.

Note: This applies to all hero/villain costumes.

1.  Don’t Try to Bang the Princess
This one sounds weird but it comes down to simple psychology and the law of percentages. If a girl dresses up as a princess, that is exactly what she thinks she is and thus, she will firmly believe that she is better than you before you even approach her. There are plenty of “Slutty [NOUNS]” running around, don’t waste your time trying to woo the princess who thinks that she’s actually a princess.

Note: If you do F*ck the princess you are a freak of nature and you deserve a medal.

Aristotle is a Florida based comedian who thinks that the scariest costume this Halloween is Pregnancy. You can follow him on Twitter @sToTle.


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