College Chicks Breakdowns: The Girls of James Madison University

By 01.03.10

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[inline:waf]Note from Waffles: As you all probably know by now, our College Chick Breakdowns are weekly pieces that set out to explore all different types of chicks that one might encounter at a certain institution of higher learning. To date, with our readers help, we have dissected two schools that are world renowned for having blazing hot babes: the University of Miami and the University of California at Santa Barbara. So Bros, if you want to talk about the girls at your school or alma mater — even if you think the majority of them should eat out of troughs — email me at wafflesmcbutter@brobible.com and I will write all about them and their affinity for swallowing massive loads. If you are still in high school, let me reiterate what I have been saying all along: use these breakdowns to your advantage.

This week, with the help of a nameless accomplice on the inside ” who blew off studying to help me with this — I am slicing and dicing my way through the female population at James Madison University. For those of you that don’t know, don’t particularly care, or suck at geography, JMU was apparently founded in 1908 and it’s located in the picturesque Shenandoah Valley of Virginia. Scholars maintain that Virginia is for lovers but now, thanks to the babes at JMU, Virginia is also for unprotected sex, fellatio, sexy swimsuit calendars, and women riddled with venereal diseases. Yum!

The admissions department at James Madison must be comprised of all dudes because the ratio of hens to cocks is an outstanding 61% to 39%. You’d have to be a butt pirate not to like those numbers. According to our eye in the sky, 75% of the girls who go to JMU could be categorized as “hot to very hot.” And College Prowler corroborated this assertion by grading the women of JMU an A on its website.

Most of the females at JMU grew up in or are from the northeastern part of this great country. Pennsylvania, New York, and New Jersey represent a large percentage of the female students on campus. Our source, however, claims that a lot of girls also come from Northern Virginia and this tends to work in a Bro’s favor since guys from that area are usually douchebags (don’t kill the messenger) and that makes Bros look that much more appetizing. As if we f*cking needed it.

Sex Life

When talking to our inside source at JMU, he really hammered the point home that the girls at the school love dick — and lots of it. He went as far as calling the lovely ladies “sl*ts.” I wonder if he eats his mother out with that mouth.

Even though I wouldn’t call girls who just enjoy the occasional dick a sl*t, our boy might have a oint since students can buy the morning after pill at the health center with their f*cking student access card. This has to come in handy on those nights when you drunkenly decided to fire your semen into the belly of the beast instead of on it. The best part is that most JMU girls are down for morning-after sex so before you run frantically to the health center you might as well get your parents’ money’s worth out of that morning after pill. After all, you already blew your wad in her once so you wouldn’t ruin your sheets; one more time won’t hurt.

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The Girls of Madison Calendar

If you still doubt just how hot the broads are at JMU, then this calendar, comprised of 12 of JMU’s hottest co-eds, should remove all uncertainty about what the school has to offer. Rather than dumb down the following video with words about the things I would do to these girls I just want you to observe and enjoy it responsibly. But, if you should happen to take out a bottle of lotion and sprain your cock from whacking it, then so be it.

Party Habits

The off-campus party scene at JMU leaves quite a bit to be desired but the house and frat parties (who doesn’t love a good kegger?) more than make up for the lack of bars and clubs in Harrisonburg. The girls are always down to get f*cked up and since beer is free at every JMU party getting maliciously smashed isn’t a problem. When it comes to the parties, there are usually more girls than guys most of the time, so for real bros it’s not “if” you’ll get laid that night, but “which one?”

Each year, Jimmy Madison puts on his drinking cap and throws a little blackout festival known as the “block party” (pictured below). This party generally winds up being a complete bloodbath and often time law enforcement gets involved. Guys and gals alike spend the entire day pouring booze down their gullets and playing cornhole and other various drinking games all with a similar late-night goal in mind: swap bodily fluids. This would be an ideal time to mention that our source tells us JMU girls are notorious for having STDs. I have no way to confirm that claim, but my guess is that his dick has had its fair share of brush fires and he’s put them out with penicillin. There is one thing I am certain of, if you’re at the block party and you’re not getting p*ssy — or at the every least a toothy blow job — you, sir, are a jabroni.

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Sorority Girls

Greek life at JMU isn’t an overwhelming in-your-mother-f*cking-face experience as it is at some schools. In fact, only 6% of the student body is Greek. One male student who anonymously commented on a JMU-related site had this to say about his experience with the Greek community: “I’m not really involved in Greek life, except if you count the three sorority chicks I dated last year. They were all blond and hot. I don’t know what that says about the Greek system, but I had a good experience with it.” This kid sounds like a total douche, he must be from Northern Virginia.

I think what our anonymous tool was trying to say — while stroking his ego in the process — is that sorority chicks are not only deadly sexual but you can f*ck them even if you are a bona fide shit eater like he is.

Here is how the girls at JMU stack up in certain areas:

Hottness: A

Willingness to f*ck (DTF): A+

Daddy’s bank roll: B+

Alcohol Consumption: A-

Intelligence: B

Chillness: B+

Interest in Athletics: B-

Maintenance Level: B-

Prevalence of Fake Tits: C-

Overall Grade: A-

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So there you have it, yet another marvelous breakdown that could not have been done without a fellow Bro on the inside. May his dick forever find a moist place of refuge for his selfless services to the Brommunity.

Next week we finally have our first university whose women receive an overall grade below an A-. Stay tuned…


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