Next to death, heartbreak is really one of the only guarantees in life. No matter how strong you are, man or female, gay or straight, it doesn’t make a difference — you’re bound to feel it in one way or another, at one time or another. Lovely, isn’t it? Wouldn’t it be magical if we could all just avoid human interaction for the rest of our days and exist solely amongst puppies, beer, and pizza?
Alright, great, we’ve determined that break ups and subsequently heartbreak is inevitable. Now how do you handle it appropriately? How do you avoid the pitfall of becoming the insane, angry, spiteful bastard that we see in popular media all the time? You know what I’m talking about: the dude who threatens to beat the shit out of every guy that comes into his ex’s life, or the one who incessantly calls his ex a slut or bitch or any myriad of hateful misogynist sludge?
Well hold on tight, fellas. Here’s how:
Get a Hobby
Find something that distracts you. It’s really that simple. To be clear though, make sure that something isn’t drugs, alcohol, or hookers. You need to find a positive outlet. Start working out, adopt a dog, build a fucking tree house, I don’t care; just throw yourself into something that promotes routine and happiness. I’m not trying to sound like a low rate life coach here, I’m just suggesting that it’s really easy to fall into bad behavior following emotional distress.
Guilty Pleasures
Alright, remember everything I just wrote above this? Yes? Okay, now do the opposite (IN MODERATION). Find something to indulge in every once in a while. Sort of like gym rats that have cheat days. They mainline protein powder 6 days a week and on Sundays they eat 7 sticks of butter. You owe it to yourself to blow off some steam and have a little fun. You don’t want to drive your life into the pavement but you also don’t want to shut down and become a hermit. Balance gentleman, that’s what life is about.
Talk It Out
Being a man has nothing to do with being devoid of emotion. You guys aren’t fooling anyone. We all know that beneath the Old Spice scent and SportsCenter theme song you’re all a bunch of teddy bears. No shame in talking shit out with friends or family, or if a girl really did a number on you, a therapist. The worst thing you can do is bottle it all up. After all, men have a shorter life expectancy anyway, add a little sorrow to that and you’re not making it past 60.
Look On The Bright Side
After a break up, we all tend to focus on the good. She was so great, she was so pretty, she was really adept at giving head. Alright, fantastic, but that’s not all she was, was it? No! Of course not! She was also the girl who couldn’t hold her liquor and embarrassed you, or the girl who never let you choose what television show to watch, or even the girl who would verbally abuse you for bringing her the wrong sandwich. Funny enough, she was most likely all 3. You may very well have a dodged a bullet. Be grateful.
Your Wallet
This sort of stems off of what’s above, but if I’m being honest, being single is way more cost effective than having a girlfriend. If nothing else, use this breakup as an opportunity to keep your finances in check. Dinners for one, no birthday bullshit, no Valentine’s nonsense…you get the gist.
What Do You Want?
You’re single again. It’s just you and instead of looking at that as a travesty maybe you can use the time to figure out what the fuck you want from your life. Unhappy with your job? Fix it. Don’t like your apartment? Move. Want to murder your roommate? Do it! No, seriously, instead of sitting around trying to figure out why this chick left you, do yourself a favor, and take it as an opportunity to do you.
Out of Sight, Out of Mind
Part of handling a break up is self-restraint. Now, self-restraint for most people is almost non-existent. Especially when we have these nifty little smartphones that give us access to a person’s photographs, phone number, whereabouts, etc. Do yourself a favor, don’t look at her shit. Don’t frequent her Instagram. Just let it be. Bury your phone in the backyard if need be.
Last but not least…
Find Someone New
I’m not going to suggest that this part will be easy. Even after you realize how flawed your may have been, I’m sure there’s still love there and that’s a-o-fucking-k. You can still think fondly of her, but you’re not expected to become a monk either. Get out there. Just because it didn’t work with her, doesn’t mean it won’t work with someone else. Just don’t shove it in your ex’s face, ya know? Be amicable. Be an adult. Be a man!