A Bro Plays a Drunken Doubleheader, Plus Another Goes Cougar-Hunting

By 07.05.12

It was my junior-year summer and my Bros and I had been slaying ass all summer long. It was another Friday night in June and we start our night like most, pre-gaming the pre-game party. After slamming a few back, we take some roadies and head to my Bro’s slampiece’s house to start the rage and possibly find an early-night hookup, or as I like to call her, a first-inning home run.

We arrive at the party and as soon as we walk in we notice it’s nothing but random girls, minus a few non-Bros.

Keg stands and beer pong ensue.

I look across from me during in intense game of flip cup and I see this blonde that wasn't exactly a 10 but we rated a solid 7. We will call her No. 1. We start
hitting it off instantly, and I already know she is pretty much in the bag for the night. As the party reaches rage climax, we move the party from the house to the bars downtown, except me and the 7 decide to find a little space for a quickie.

We have a great first inning hooking up, then push out to the bar. Once there, we rage like we always do.

As the night moves into the later hours, my Bros
head off with their slampieces for the night and tell me that if I don't end up staying with the chick I was with then I would have to find a way back to the
apartment. As they set off on their night of normal f*****g with the regulars the “sure thing” I thought I had gets a call from a friend saying she needs her

The sure thing ends up wanting to leave because the mother hen c*ck-block was having boy problems. Now it’s about 4 a.m. and I'm stuck debating what to do, when all of the sudden I get a text from this chick that I had been trying to get with for a while (we will call her No. 2).

It’s the classic drunk-and-looking-to-hook-up text. While texting No. 2, No. 1 decides she is leaving to go be with her friend. I then proceed to No. 2's house to be greeted with shot and a glad-to-see-you kiss.

At this point I should explain No. 2. My Bro had a class with her and ended up bringing her over to swim at my place. The whole time she was there Tim wouldn't have more than a two-minute conversation with her and, seeing that this was the first time she has ever hung out with him, it seemed to be failing. So I started testing the waters with her and she instantly dived right in. After a great time drinking and partying, she gets ready to leave but first gets my number for a later date.

Back to the story. We waste no time. One shot and then it’s off to the bed room. I must say she f*cked like a champ. After another morning session, I say my goodbyes and meet up with my Bros to see how their night went and blow them away with my great night.{pagebreak}

And one more from an extremely long-winded fellow.

My Bro and I scored some fake ID's, and we were going to the bars downtown every weekend. We both refused to drink and drive, so our plan was to meet chicks, and bag them. If bagging them wasn't to be, we still tried to at least find chicks that would let us stay the night while we sobered up.

Well, the first three or four times, everything works out, and since I can't think of any great sex stories, let's just say we met some chicks who we hooked up with and who let us crash at their cribs. On this night though, we had no such luck, and were walking around downtown, trying to figure out where we're
going to stay since neither one of us is willing to drive for obvious reasons.

We’re standing on the corner, near a 7-Eleven, when we see this hot older lady walking out alone, carrying a newspaper, and a small bag of groceries. We start
chatting her up and explain our dilemma. She informs us she’s staying in a hotel right around the corner and is in town on a business trip. My Bro is going at this chick hard, begging her to let us stay the night, but naturally she’s saying that’s not going to happen.

At some point, he lies and says he's my younger brother, and that we both just need a place to sober up. She is hesitant, and says she doesn't trust him, but since I was being quiet, mostly out of frustration, she asks me if she allows us to crash in her room if we will behave ourselves. BINGO! I instantly jump right in, and start telling her how much we would appreciate that. So she says fine, and warns us we better not try anything, since she’s recently engaged, and really can't believe she's doing this.

She then informs us the only reason why is because I seem really sweet. We get back to what turns out to be her $500-a-night hotel room. We’re just hanging out bullsh*tting when she decides to order a bottle of champagne to the room. We continue drinking, and every so often my Bro makes a joke about how she shouldn't have let us stay because we’re going to do bad things to her. Out of nowhere, she says she’s really nervous about this, and that it was a bad idea. My Bro then tells her to relax, and that he's only kidding. She says, “I'm not worried about you guys, I’m worried about what I want to do to him,” and points at me.

My Bro just looks at me with big eyes. Eventually he passes out, and me and this chick end up in her bed, but she won't give me any p*ssy, because she feels funny having my little bro in the room. She tells me she's in town until Monday, and maybe after her meetings tomorrow, I can come back and finish what we started. Naturally, I'm game. She tells me she will be out at meetings all day until about 9 p.m., and then she will call me to come over afterward.

My Bro and I wake up in the morning, thank her, and then leave without him ever knowing we hooked up. I tell him the story later, but I think he thinks I'm
bullsh*tting him, but he finds out later I wasn't.

At the time I lived far from the city, and was underage. Not wanting to wait until 9 p.m. to head down there, I leave early, buy a 12 pack and park my car in a parking garage waiting for her call. I'm drinking in my car, waiting for her to call, but it's getting late and she never rings. I was working downtown at the time, not far from her hotel, so I brought my work clothes, thinking I would go straight to work from her place. It's about midnight when she still hasn't called yet, so I say f*ck it, recline my car seat, and plan on sleeping in my car, and going straight to work from there.

Right then she calls and says she’s sorry but she got invited out for drinks after the meetings by an important client and couldn’t reject the offer. She says it's probably too late for me to head this way but the offer still stands. I lie and say I'm already downtown at a bar, and was waiting for her call. She says great and I head over.

I get there and she answers in a sexy nightie. I'm thinking game on, but she tells me she first has to check her emails. I find out she has 125 new emails, and has to respond to some of them right away. So I lay in the bed next to her for about two hours as she reads through these emails. Needless to say I'm getting pissed, since I have to be up at 6 a.m. for work, and it's almost 2 a.m. now.

Finally, she says she's finished, we make out for about a minute, I pull off her pants, and within five humps, I bust my nut. I then roll over and pass the f*ck out. I had no desire to please her since she made me wait, and this quick finish was planned.

I wake up as soon as the alarm went off and leave without ever waking her up. The next day I tell all my friends including my Bro, about this but none of them believe me, A week later I get a voicemail from an area code I don't recognize, and it's an older females voice saying that I was a naughty, naughty
boy and never said goodbye before I left in the morning. She says she can't wait to hook up again in the future when she visits my city.

WTF.  I gave this broad five humps total, and then passed out. Needless to say I never called or saw her again. At the time I was 19, she was 39 and recently engaged.

The memories.

TAGShook up heroes

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