How Many Puns About Video Of Adult Store Employees Beating Off Armed Robber With A Tornado Of Dildos Can Be Made?

By 12.16.16

This is a late, great entry for Video of the Year. It has everything you’d want in a Video of the Year: hereos, good defeating evil, and dildos.

On Wednesday, an armed robber attempted to rob Lotions & Lace, an adult store in San Bernardino, California. However, the sex shop employees aren’t about to just hand over all the hard-earned money peddling butt plugs, edible lubricant, and anal speculums. The two female purveyors of sex toys used what was available to them to fend off the burglar – rubber dicks.

Let’s see how many puns we can make about this phallic attack.

  • What a dickhead.
  • This definitely violates the penal code.
  • Instead of dil-do, this fuckface should have dil-don’t.
  • This is the one time you want your friend to be a cockblock.
  • Don’t rob sex shops, this dude found out the hard way.
  • You could say this man got shafted.
  • Squeeze a silicone dick and not a trigger.
  • Physicians claim that the criminal is now cockeyed.
  • This criminal will probably welcome having the judge throw the book at him.
  • Weapons of mass seduction.
  • EAT A DICK! No literally, eat a dick.
  • That’s one way to beat off a robber.
  • Will the employees be charged with sexual assault?
  • These employees aren’t dicking around – or maybe they are
  • What a dick move.
  • Guns don’t kill people. People with giant rubber dicks kill people.
  • Shoplifters will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law and smashed with rubber dongs.
  • Don’t bring a gun to a dildo fight.
  • Turns out these ladies are just really big fans of Harambe and had their dicks out.
  • This robber could have learned a lot from the movie Bruno.

via GIPHY

[ABC7]


TAGSCaliforniaCrimeDildosSex toys

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