Amazon Sells Monstro Humpty Bumpty Giant Butt Plug and the Reviews are Hilarious, Alarming

by 5 years ago

But first, some features on this turd hatch wrecker include:

  • Solid – NOT Hollow!
  • Soft Compound
  • MASSIVE in Size!
  • 3 Bumps around on Unit!
  • Zoom in on the Picture to see FULL Detail

Then there are the reviews for Monstro's Humpty Bumpty Big Huge Anal Giant Butt Plug!

A reviewer by the name of Truth Teller gushes that his wife knows nothing about his slick little fantasy world and then suggests the product change its name to honor a current NBA superstar:

I bought the Monstro Humpty Bumpty Big Huge Giant Butt Plug with high expectations. I moved into the wonderful world of massive butt plugs as a New Years Resolution on Jan. 1, 2011. Prior to that I dabbled mostly in the small to medium range plugs. This year, however, things were gonna be different. What brought me to this plug was the three graduated knobs that I thought would help with insertion. Plus I love the black color for obvious reasons. In addition it is a monster plug, one that I knew would be a challenge to bury.

It was mid October when I finally pulled the trigger and ordered it. When the UPS dude handed it to me, he had no idea what he was delivering. I had it delivered at the office where I work as I didn't want wifey opening the box had it been delivered to my home. She wouldn't understand and knows nothing of this hobby of mine. By the weekend I had two hours of alone time to acquaint myself with “Lebron” as I named him. Setting the thing on the table I was taken by it's very cool lines. Someone really put a lot of thought into the architecture of the thing. I had to admit I had my doubts that I'd be able to handle all three segments. After some warm up exercises and a shot of gin I dove right into it. I usually like the shower to be my battleground for such endeavors. After a thorough cleaning of it with hand soap I set Lebron right on the shower floor and took a few deep breaths in with zen-like focus. Next I applied a dollop of vaseline to it. Basically I then just sat down on it. First thing I noticed was the base didn't offer the best support. It takes a lot of down pressure to get the first segment inside and the thing kept sliding out and falling over. Those were some frustrating moments wanting badly to get the party started, but not being able to achieve take-off. This might not be a problem if you had a partner to shove the thing inside. But I fly solo. After ten somewhat awkward minutes I finally hit pay-dirt. Think of a snake swallowing an egg. The first segment slipped in with a woosh. The second segment was actually easier, but the third segment was a bear. It fought for twenty minutes to get over the final hump before I finally ringed it. There is a tapering from the third segment to the final base shaft which causes the thing to essentially cork itself within you. If the base itself didn't taper back out, the thing would disappear inside you quicker than a ground hog into it's den. I wish they would have engineered it with a larger base shaft as well as a much larger base. With me, I came very close to swallowing the base shaft AND the base itself in one sudden motion. Luckily I saw it coming and was able to squeeze off at just the right time. Caught it by a hair though. Once one of these giants plants itself deep, even a proctologist will scratch his head trying to figure out a plan of extraction. I avoided that scenario, though, and quickly slipped into seventh heaven. I actually giggled aloud at my accomplishment, before feeling myself drift into deep relaxation. The plastic is just the right hardness and there are no imperfections such as mold lines which can ruin an experience quickly. The length is perfect and the graduations are nearly perfectly spaced to give you that fullness at just the right spots.

I spent around twenty minutes with it buried before setting about diggin the thing back out. Pulling such a large object out with such a small base is tough in the shower. There is not enough purchase to get your fingers on it when it's wet from shower water mixed with lube. But I finally managed to get him out. Once you back it out past the largest segment the thing rockets out like there's no tomorrow. I wasn't expecting it and the thing flew out and knocked over wifey's array of candles she keeps in the shower niche. All in all I think it's a very good product and appears well made. The thing is definitely built for the long haul. It's a substantial, quality plug. I'd have given it five stars except that I truly believe the final base shaft should be at least 3/4 of an inch larger, and the base itself should be two inches wider and one inch longer. What a nice ride though. It's a great piece of equipment for any big plugger to have in his arsenal. One final note. Did the company really needs to give it a name with eleven syllables? Instead of the Monstro Humpty Bumpty Big Huge Giant Butt Plug, how about calling it something simple, like Lebron?

Ben Irwin, a sprightly young lad with a hankering for objects inside his asshole and a lack of friends writes:

I ordered this to be my new best friend. I am a 20 year old male who's always had a thing for objects in my ass, and let me tell you… This object hit the spot. I love the 3 budges it has as it allows me to raw dog it to the floor. My ass has never been happier.

Reviewer Al loves the product so damn much he's wants to be considered for the job of company spokesman:

Monstro did it again, If I keep this up, I might contact them to make Me a Spokesmen. The Humpty Bumpty is for the ones who wants fulfillment, engulfment, borderline the parameters of normal anal sex. This piece of “hard” ware, in good hands, will create pleasures beyond enlightenment. Well made, solid rubber, alone or with your partner, It's big. There are bigger toys out there, but it has the right size for those in the middle to expert reach. It goes without saying, lube, lube, lube. Anal Experts, try this without hesitation, and see how many eggs will The Humpty Bumpty bring you…

Visit Amazon for…just about anything you can imagine, I guess.

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