The World Will End In Fiery Brimstone Tomorrow, Says One Christian Extremist Group

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You got plans tonight? Cancel ’em. Or keep them. Stay in and watch Mr. Robot or ransack a museum, because none of it will matter tomorrow.

Because tomorrow the Earth will go BOOM. And I was lying. It will matter. I guarantee that if you stayed in to watch episode five of Mr. Robot, like I have planned, and the Earth splits in two, you will regret not stealing priceless works of art from the Met.

Decide for yourself though, but one Christian doomsday group — who has admittedly been wrong about this sort of thing before — says this time they are certain. October 7th is the day.

The eBible Fellowship says last week’s Blood Moon foretells the coming of the Hydra and the Cthulhu and maybe a nuclear war and most certainly the Gates of Hell opening and sending forth all its beasts and sure, why not a volcanic explosion as well. Whatever it is, it’s “annihilation.”

Here’s their unassailable logic, via the Daily Mail:

Two influential ministers, Mark Blitz and John Hagee, had claimed in separate books, that the fourth lunar eclipse in just two years, known as a ‘tetrad’ would herald the end of days.

Their beliefs are based on a passage from the Bible that says: ‘The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood, before the great and the terrible day of the Lord comes.’

Fears were not helped by the fact that each of the four blood moons in this tetrad have fallen on April 14, 2014 (Passover), October 8, 2014 (Feast of the Tabernacle), April 4, 2015 (Passover) and September 28, the first day of this year’s Feast of the Tabernacle.

Le BOOOOSH. So fuck a pig or a hottie or shoot smack. The world’s only ever gonna end once, and this just might be it.*

*Probably not, but hey, if you were looking for a reason to finally give in and try bestiality or hardcore drugs, I won’t be mad.