10 Things to Avoid Destroying a Relationship On Facebook

By 07.12.12

1. Getting tagged in pictures with way hotter girls
When you’re in a relationship, the girl you’re dating should be the only girl you’re ever with….at least in her mind. If you go out for the night without her, and happen to be in the same vicinity as a hottie–and that magical moment is captured with a photograph that you’re later tagged in–you might as well have had sex with that girl. Bad play overall. 

2. The Drunken Poke
You are drunk. And when you are drunk, all of the ideas you have are f*cking amazing. Right? Think again. Poking that hot chick in your chem course was a sure-fire way to piss off your girlfriend…and you most likely just creeped out that hot chick too.

3. Liking another girl’s picture (Most likely a mirror pic in a bikini.)
When you like a picture, it sometimes appears in your friends newsfeed. Which means that chances are, if you like that hottie in the bikini, your girl will see that. You might have just been liking a picture very innocently, LIKE GUYS DO, but in your girl’s eyes, you just let that girl know you’re interested. Don’t be surprised if she goes hunting for shirtless pictures of your most cut-up male friends to like, this means war.

4. Being “online” on Facebook chat and ignoring your girl’s messages
You might as well break-up right there. Ignoring your girlfriends message on Facebook is worse than finishing in her hair…and you know how much she hates that. It’s even harder to play this off now because asshole Zuckerberg incorporated a “seen @ Time” into chat, so she KNOWS you saw what she sent, and is probably assuming you’ll get back to her when you finish boning the girl she’s sure you’re cheating with, when in reality, you’re just taking a leak and left the chat window up.

5. Having old pictures of you and your ex 
It could be a picture of just the two of you, or a picture of the two of you in a whole group, if that picture still exists on Facebook, you’re goofin’. She thinks she should be the only girl in your internet life, and if you keep the pictures of the exes, you might as well still be giving it to them.

6.  Adding new friends… that happen to be hot babes
Your girlfriend does not care if it is your friend from preschool, your best friend's girl friend, or even if it is your cousin (shoutout to all our peeps in West Virginia). If you just became facebook friends with a hot girl, you've set yourself up for Michael Bay type destruction.

7. Not immediately changing your relationship status
Let’s face it. You never should've have gotten into a relationship in the first place, but you did. Naturally, she changed her facebook status from her smart phone the second she decided it was “Facebook official”. Your girl may not break it off because of this, but will convince you to take those stupid ass photos of you two kissing just so you can prove your allegiance to her. 

8. Lying about your whereabouts and then getting geotagged
Telling your girlfriend you’ll be staying in for the night, but then updating your status from your phone and having the location shown on the bottom. If you should be in Manhattan, but you’re in Jersey, you are more f*cked than Jerry Sandusky in the jailhouse shower.

9. Talking to any other human with a baby factory
Baby factory is a scientific phrase for the reproductive organ of females (for those of you without an advanced degree in anatomy). You could say anything to another girl on facebook, from a harmless wall post about class, to liking one of her statuses, your girlfriend will probably assume you’re speaking in code, and cheating. So the moral of this story, once you start dating a girl, if you want to keep getting it on the reg, cut off all public contact with all of your hot female friends (you can talk to fat Betty as much as you please though)

People say they do this as a show of trust, to show their partner that they REALLY do love them. These people are also batshit insane, and Jessica Simpson dumb (shoutout to Chicken of the Sea) All it takes is one silly fight, and then boom, your facebook profile is accessible to the person who’s really pissed at you, and all of a sudden your status is about how big of an asshole you are, or you’ll log back on to see all of your hot friends have been blocked. Girls are crazy. STOP DOING THIS.


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