Study Shows Bacon Significantly Lowers Sperm Count
On one hand, eating a truck bed full of bacon is as manly as you can get. But since it kills your sac contents in the process, is it now less of a masculine act? On the other hand, I can eat as much bacon as I want and be at LESS risk of accidentally having a child? Sign me the fuck up. Way to go, Harvard scientists. Here's what they found:
The study by Harvard University on 156 men in couples suffering problems conceiving examined their diet and the size and shape of their sperm. Researchers found that men who regularly ate processed meat had significantly lower amounts of normal sperm, compared with those who limited the amount of foods like bacon, sausages, hamburgers, ham and mince.
They aren't kidding when they say “significantly.” Thirty percent less sperm. The study concluded that if you want to conceive a child, you best be a square.
There is convincing evidence that men who eat more fresh fruit and vegetables have better sperm than men who don't.
So college bros, if you don't want to be at risk of accidentally knocking someone up, load that dining hall tray full of bacon. And wear condoms. Those help too.