If you’ve ever been banned from somewhere, odds are there was a significant amount of alcohol involved and, truth be told, you probably deserved it.
A Reddit thread asked members to reveal the most ridiculous thing they’ve ever done that resulted in them getting banned for life. Let’s just say it’s not very pretty, but it is entertaining.
Publix Bakery
I am banned from the Publix bakery in my city because for my Asian friend’s birthday, I ordered a cake with a picture of Mao Zedong that read “Most Honorable and Beloved Chairman Wishes Comrade Friend a Glorious Birthday”.
The weird thing is, they made the cake. They gave it to me, and told me I was never allowed at the bakery again. Here’s a picture of the cake.
Pizza Hut
A bunch of us kids are at the local Pizza Hut. One of my buddies gets in an argument with the waitress, and then the manager. They refuse to serve him—so over to the pay phone he goes, makes a call. Then puts his hand on the receiver and asks the manager for the address. We all assume he’s calling his dad to come and get him. Thirtly minutes later a Dominos Pizza arrives.
MGM in Las Vegas
Banned from any properties owned by MGM in Las Vegas. I used to go to the employee dining rooms inside the Bellagio to eat for free all the time. There were always tons of people in there and it was difficult to get caught, especially if wearing a suit. I brought a couple friends in there to eat with me before we went out to venture on the strip, I figured it would be alright since I’d seen people dressed in casual attire all the time. Too bad my friends are dipshits and made it obvious they weren’t supposed to be there (running for the buffet and slamming food on their plates like they were in a hurry to get out), I got banned from the property for life.
Times Union Center
A friend of mine is banned from the Times Union Center (it was the Pepsi Arena at the time) in Albany, New York. He and his group got really drunk at a River Rats game, climbed over the divider between periods and hijacked the Zamboni.
The Indoor Playground
I was banned from an indoor playground for yelling “Faster! Whoo!” on the motorcycle ride (the token operated ride) when I was 6 or 7 years old. Apparently some over-sensitive prick though I was calling him a “Bastard” from across the gym for absolutely no reason. He told his grandmother who promptly scolded me and made the manager ban me.
It is one of the most vivid memories of my life because it was the first time that a stranger had accused me of something that I didn’t do. I just wish that I had said something and not let that kid get away with this.
Sears
There is a man that is banned from the Sears I work at, a man whose story is told to all new employees.
There was once a drunk fellow who had some trouble scamming us out of some merchandise. I think he wanted a grill. He came in and stirred up trouble with our merchandise pick-up crew and the district manager was there that day. She originally sided with the man no questions asked, but I think eventually she realized he was drunk and kicked him out.
He returned several hours later with a chainsaw. And he started cutting down all of the trees in our parking lot. I believe this got him arrested.
The University of Toledo
I’m banned from the University of Toledo from ever being a student there again.
The condensed version of the story is that I was DJing at the Uni radio station. We frequently did joke giveaways during our show. We would bring in crap, describe it in wonderful terms, and then give it away on the air.
One night I decided to give away $1 million dollars. Honestly. But it was payable $1 per year, non-transferable.
Technically what I did was authorize a contract on behalf of the state of Ohio, University of Toledo for 1 million dollars without authorization. They wanted to charge me with a felony for creating a contract worth that much.
Lawyered up, agreed to withdraw from school and not go back. They kept trying to play hardball and it didn’t go far. Even gave them a 20 dollar bill to pay for the first 20 years of the contract but they didn’t seem too amused by it.
The Sims
I would befriend people with large and expensive properties – eventually they would give me ‘roommate’ permissions. I’d wait until they logged off, I’d then sell all their items, delete all the structures, fill the lot with water, build a bridge to a center island filled with llama shaped bushes, and post signs saying, ‘Welcome to llama land!’ all over the property.
I don’t know how many times I did this before I was permanently banned from the game. I have no regrets.
Online Gaming
My clan was banned from Star Wars ToR because our clan was named “The Force Skin.”
Travel Lodge Hotel
I got banned from a small travel-lodge hotel, it was my birthday and I hadn’t slept all night, my friends went into their own rooms around 6:30 and I stayed up playing the PS3 we took with us.
The maid came in and screamed at the top of her lungs in terror, I was completely nude, with Dishonored on pause and I was wearing a gas mask bong. Needless to say I was kicked out pretty quickly.
The Irish Pub
I’m banned from using the electronic jukebox at the local “Irish pub” for playing “unsuitable music”. Mainly I thought it funny to play Gucci Mane at peak hours.
Wal-Mart
I was with a friend who was stealing stuff when I was 14. My friend was stealing CD’s. Wal-Mart made him return all of them, which his father did while we were being detained. Some of the CD’s were legitimately his property. He pointed this out by saying, “Those Sepultura CD’s are mine. You don’t even sell that.” And the security guy actually said, “Well, they’re mine now… I love Sepultura.”
So, Wal-Mart also stole CD’s from my friend.
Ladies’ Night
I’m banned from a bar in my college town for dressing as a woman to get cheaper drinks on ladies night. They caught me the 3rd time I did it when I drunkenly tried to pick up chicks. Fortunately, they don’t really know whatmale me looks like; they just have my ID on file.
His Parent’s Bathroom
Not me but my friend. He was caught whacking off so many times (by his mom) he was banned from taking his phone to the bathroom, and from locking the door to his room. In addition to this is is banned from taking a shower longer than 7 minutes.
Olive Garden
Not me, but my mom got banned from Olive Garden for throwing her cousin in the pond out front and falling in after her. Now that I think about it, my family wasn’t very normal.
San Francisco Parking Lot
I’m banned from the Metreon parking structure in San Francisco. My roommates and I tried to sneak to the top floor to smoke a joint before seeing a movie at the theater.
A security guard caught us, searched my backpack and found a bunch of Magic cards I bought earlier that day. He let us go because “he could own me with his blue control deck.” His supervisor took our picture and put it up on the wall of shame though.
Paintball
I’m banned from our local paintball field. Some Ranger buddies of mine came over and we were bored and decided to go play paintball. There was a 12 year old having a birthday party and the manager decided to let them play against “the group of old guys” with rental guns who had never played paintball before. We didn’t know the rules and EVIDENTLY you’re only supposed to shoot somebody once and never after they raise their gun. We destroyed these kids in woods ball and, according to somebody’s hysterical mother, ruined the kids birthday.
The PGA Championship
My brother and I got up to shenanigans.Evidently having a water fight as Tom Watson is teeing off is frowned upon.
Also for sneaking into the player’s area and pigging out at the buffet. Also we were interviewed by some newsperson. My brother told her, apropos of nothing, that Tiger Woods “is sort of like the rich man’s Larry Bird.” When she said, “What Do you mean by that?” I replied “Fuck You.”
And then we were escorted out. I was an irritating kid.
Zumiez
One day we started drinking pretty early. Mixed us up a fine cocktail of 7-11 Big Gulp Dr. Pepper and vodka and made way to the mall. We were stumble drunk wondering the mall when we thought it would be a good idea to go hit on the girl who worked in Zumiez. At some point I had lost the lid and straw to my drink and was drinking normally out of the cup. I fell over into one of those t-shirt cubes (the ones that are square and about 6ft tall that spin around).
My drink ruined around $200 worth of shirts. All of my friends ran. I was too drunk to move. The girl called her district manager. She handed the phone to me after talking to him for a minute. He asked if I had money to pay for the ruined clothes and I said I did not. He then told me never to enter the store again.
I was fine with the punishment, because the girl that worked there was really good looking and I was really embarrassed. I didn’t want to see her again.
The Local Pizza Place
When I was in college I used to order pizza from this local place that was open until 3am. On multiple drunken occasions I passed out before the pizza got there, so they banned me from ordering, which I thought was fair because I felt bad for the delivery guy.