It’s easy to use profanity to cut people down. The world of profanity is so versatile you can put together any string of four-letter words and end up with something fantastic. I highly encourage the use of profanity in every fucking scenario on this shit ass planet. However, there are times when you’re using an insult not just to bust balls, but to decapitate someone. In those times when you’re looking to K.O. someone you can think outside of the box and cut to the core. I stumbled upon an AskReddit thread earlier full of the ‘best non-swearing’ insults on the planet, and these are some insults you should commit to memory:
Super_EMAS:
“Your grades say marry rich, but your face says study harder.”
SlightlyStable:
“You haven’t been yourself lately. We’ve all noticed the improvement.”
whatsthisjack:
Straight from Shakespeare “I wish we could become better strangers”
Malcheon:
“I don’t know why you’re playing hard to get when you’re so hard to want.”
Orval:
“I envy people who haven’t met you.”
Zebra-Pantz:
“You’re impossible to underestimate.”
oneofthemikes:
“I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are.”
Said to an identical twin in high school:
“Your sister is ugly.”
pedj2:
“Whoever told you to be yourself simply couldn’t have given you worse advice.”
Majestic_Bear:
“Okay first of all, brush your teeth.”
want_a_muffin:
My favorite is a George Orwell quote about Stanley Baldwin: “He is simply a hole in the air.”
squidgethecat:
You’re not pretty enough to be that dumb.
MungTao:
I had a teacher tell some kid “Nothing you have to say is of any consequence…to anyone.”
Twins:
“how can you tell us apart? ” Me – “one of you is pretty and one of you is smart.”
peoplebucket:
If drunk, Churchill’s one is pretty good: “in the morning I shall be sober, but you will still be ugly”
ciocinanci:
A retaliatory insult:
“I’ve been called worse things by better people.”
UtzkaJastinban:
“That’s why everybody talks about you.”
Astrocreep2112:
“You are like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches you but nobody wants you.”
jonfromwalmart:
“I take it you weren’t burdened with an overabundance of schooling” -stolen from Firefly
Pepperman94″
“If that’s how you feel, then I can’t trust your judgment.”
magicalmysterywalrus:
Adapted from Bob Dylan’s ‘Positively 4th Street’,
“I wish that for a moment you could stand in my shoes, then you’d know what a drag it is to see you.”
thelonious_pliny:
“You’ll never be half the man your mother was.”
andythedub:
“The best part of you dripped down your mother’s leg.”
mdurrington81:
“There is nothing you can do that will make me think less of you.”
Mrselfdestructuk:
“I would have been your dad but your mom didn’t have change for $5.”
GabeShadoww”
“As an outsider, what is your perspective on intelligence?”
comforteagle99:
“I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you right now.”
Zero_kys”
“You are the human equivalent of a participation award.”
NorthamericanscumDFA:
“I have nothing but respect for you — and not much of that” – Groucho Marx
Liberal_irony:
“It’s better for people to think you’re an idiot than open your mouth and prove them right.”
AMultitudeofPandas:
“You would struggle to pour water out of a boot, with the instructions on the heel.”
no-mad:
“You should eat the make-up. Then you can be pretty on the inside.”
Last, but not least…
14th_Eagle:
“You aren’t being the person Mr. Rogers wanted you to be.”
My two favorites are “everything you touch turns to shit” and “what is it with you and failure?” Feel free to drop your favorites down below in the comments.
Well, bros, that wraps up the coverage from my end but if you want to keep on reading these AskReddit stories you can CLICK HERE to see that thread in full!