These Bikers Who Narrowly Dodged A Horrific Trucker Crash Should Absolutely Be Dead

DAMNNNNNNNNNNN. Here’s some advice for you bros: go buy a lotto ticket because there’s absolutely no way God isn’t on your side. Fuck it, while you’re at it, try to spit some game to Emily Ratajkowski on Instagram. Because after dodging an inescapable death, there’s absolutely no way you’d rest your head at night without being rich men with a naked supermodel next to you. You’re the Chosen Ones, untouchable immortals, and now that you have proof of that, the world is your oyster. If I were in that situation, I’d panic and swerve into the truck bed and authorities would have to scrape my body parts off the interstate with a shovel.

But I’d never be in that situation because I’d never go to Russia.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.