School Attempts To Stop Seagulls From Stealing Kid’s Lunches By Hiring An Even More Dangerous Bird

A grammar school in Scotland has lunch time problem and it’s not haggis. It’s seagulls. They’re stealing lunches right out of kid’s hands.

The school decided to take drastic action in the form of hawk justice. No, Hawk Justice isn’t the lead in a Stallone movie. He’s a fucking hawk.

Spiney the Harris Hawk was brought in to watch over Perth Grammar School in Tayside as an extreme measure in pest control following a series of complaints from staff and pupils.

The bird was part of a £7,000 operation put into place after staff reported that gulls have been dive-bombing pupils and stealing food.

He was joined briefly by another hawk named Jean, who accompanied him in patrolling the school fields and playground

And what happened to Jean? Did he/she get wounded on the job and now Spiney has to avenge his partner’s death?!?! Now THAT would make a great Stallone movie plot.

Spiney the hawk spent a few weeks protecting pupils at Perth Grammar School, but his contract has now come to an end, the school has confirmed.

Sorry kids, Spiney has to go. But just remember, whenever seagulls come to take your lunch, Spiney will be there. Actually, he won’t be. The school can’t afford to have him full time. Maybe just bring in shittier lunches?

If this were an American school it wouldn’t be a problem. The students would just shoot the seagulls with the guns they brought from home.

[via The Independent]

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Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling.