Bro Goes On Legendary Twitter Rant About How His Girlfriend Has Made Him A Better Man And Lover

Imagine a world without women. How quickly do you think funneling beers, arm wrestling, and helicoptering our dicks around in a field would get old? That’s what we’d do right? Nah? Ok, well I’m down to nix the arm wrestling thing. Whip it out though, bruh. I’m not fucking around.

I think we can all agree that beyond women being the yin to our wangs, they are generally more refined and less animalistic than us bros. They are the reason I haven’t completely given up on my appearance and the driving force behind me throwing away my once beloved JNCO jeans. #RIP.

On top of that, their skin is softer, they smell good, and their butt cracks aren’t a wasteland of tangled hair and hardened dingle berries. For real, I have one stubborn little fucker that’s been hanging on since Clinton was in office. At this point, it’s as much a part of me as a limb and I’ve gone from annoyed to flat out impressed by it being able to withstand thousands of wipes. If I had half the grit the resolve as that dingleberry, I wouldn’t give up on everything I start.

Anyhoo, a bro on Twitter went on a poetic tangent on why his girlfriend has made him a better man, lover, and civilized human being. This belongs in a museum.

I hope this ignites you bros to tell your girls how much they mean to you. Enjoy.

Couldn’t have said it better myself. Because I’m incapable of loving anyone more than myself.

[h/t IMGUR]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.