Bro of the Week Pits the Dead Against the Living
This accountant for a private equity firm is trading in his calculator for football pads. The Miami Dolphins have signed Brown, who has never played football at any level higher than high school. He won the spot during an open tryout and deserves your consideration because, let’s face it, he could use the encouragement. NFL linebackers tend to hit slightly harder than 16-year-old ones.
Michael “Flathead” Blanchard
A recently departed Bro in the vein of Ron Swanson. “He enjoyed booze, guns, cars and younger women until the day he died,” the obituary in the Denver Post dutifully notified the world.
This wannabe Fred Armisen went from virtual anonymity to the most popular story on BroBible this week thanks to his inebriated impressions of celebrities. His parents must be so, so proud.
If you’re not following this human train wreck on Twitter, you’re doing it wrong. The chemically imbalanced former slugger skeeved on some ladies, adding to his already long laundry list of microblogging faux pas. All was not lost, however, as he followed that up by signing on to be the designated hitter for the Worchester Tornadoes. Just in time, too, as he’d resorted to putting his infamous memorabilia on eBay.
Burger King Scientist
We’d like to give credit to the madman behind the 1,000-piece bacon burger served at Burger King Japan. Literally the best use of $86 outside of a Colombian brothel.
Without a doubt, the biggest story of the week. Being dead has never hampered the rapper’s career, so why should it preclude him from Bro of the Week eligibility?
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