Bro of the Week is Full of Innovation and Stupidity

By 05.25.12

Eugene Polley
You’ve probably never heard of him, but Mr. Polley is directly responsibility for a boatload of your happiness. The Zenith Electronics engineer designed the world’s first wireless channel changer in 1955 and mankind never looked back. Unscientifically, this is one of the best innovations in the history of the world. Polley kept us on the couch and he kept us happy, flipping between sports games. Without him, we’d all be lost. He died in suburban Chicago this week at the age of 96, but as long as fatsos spend Sundays with a potato chip bag on their lap and a remote in their hand, his legacy endures.

Train Accident Survivor
A drunken Alberta man got wasted and fell asleep on some train tracks. Brilliant move, right? Well, predictably, a train came along and ran him over with 26 cars. The lucky son of a b*tch was somehow uninjured. Good things happen to good people.

Bill Clinton
We all knew Slick Willie was a ladies man, despite his claims that he doesn’t have sexual relations with women. Here he is posing for photos with porn stars Brooklyn Lee and Tasha Reign. It just seems so damn natural. Clinton is all that a Bro can aspire to be: rich, powerful, successful, and armed with a wandering eye. Mad respect.

Andy Samberg
After appearing in what looks like his last “Saturday Night Live” episode, the funnyman gave a rousing 21-minute speec h to Harvard University graduates. Like a boss. Really, really good stuff by the Lonely Island frontman. If he is, indeed, gone from the sketch-comedy show, he leaves huge shoes to fill.

Joe Salter
Completing a triathlon is difficult enough, but to do it while juggling the entire time is just bananas. We have no idea what would compel a human to do this, but we appreciate the hell out of it.

We’ve been spotlighting this nutjob for a long time now and, judging by the traffic, you guys really love him. This week he drank ungodly amounts of Bacradi 151 and Frank’s Red Hot. The joke here is that Shoenice’s going to live to be 118 and the rest of us healthy people will die young.

OK, you tell us. Who is the Bro of the Week? Tell us why in the comments. Thanks again for your readership.

TAGSbro of the week

Join The Discussion

Comments are closed.