Sometimes Reddit’s TIFU subreddit is fun little gathering of stories that make you go “ew,” and other times it’s a giant circlejerk of seeing who can write the fakest story possible involving semen, butts or semen (I know I said semen twice – it’s just that there’s a lot of semen in there). Today we have a story falling into the “plausible” category, which is a nice change of pace. We get tired of stories that read like “Was masturbating today, then my mom came in and saw me, then I jazzed on her foot on accident and then at the same time my dog started licking it while simultaneously pooping on the carpet.” Like dude, do less that story is total crap.
Coincidentally, today’s story is also total crap…albeit for different reasons:
This happened about 5 years ago while on a family vacation in Mexico. We were looking for things to do and my dad says he’ll buy my brother and I a snorkeling trip for the next day. We agreed, had dinner, then me and my bro go to the bar at our resort for some drinks. My dad warns us not to get too wasted because the snorkeling trip is booked for 8am. Whatever Dad. We get to the bar, meet some girls, one thing leads to another and I get absolutely hammered off tequila shots. Blackout. Wake up to my dad knocking on the door pissed off saying to get the fuck out on the boat.
Here’s where the story begins. The rocking boat, scorching sun, and cheap tequila hangover were bad enough; then about two hours in I get the urge to explosively shit my shorts. No bathroom. I didn’t want to move, but I decided taking a good ole fashion aqua-deuce is better than shitting on the deck. I grab some goggles, get in the water and swim away from the group of people. I figure I’m a good distance away, dive down a little, pull my shorts down and let loose. This was some next level shit. There’s shit floating all around me, and that`s when I realize that fish fucking love shit. Tons of fish start pecking at it, and at this point some of the snorkelers are heading over since there’s so many fish. I panic because I’m surrounded by my own feces so I just start wack-a-mole-ing the floating turds, trying to break them up. This causes more fish to come and more snorkelers as well. Before I know it, I’m surrounded by fish and snorkelers… and we are all swimming in my shit. In the end I’m not sure if anyone noticed my shit floating around, but it was still embarrassing as hell.
[H/T Reddit]