It’s July 5th, which means you fit into one of three categories:
1. Hungover as balls from the 4th
2. Hungover as balls from the 4th with a house that’s been wrecked from the party you threw the night before
3. Hungover as balls from the 4th with a house that’s been wrecked from the party you threw the night before, but you can’t clean it yet because you’re at work
Sucks to be me, because I fall into camp #3. Is it 5:00 yet? No? Okay, then help pass the time with Redditor ArthurAntunesColmbra’s story about the worst walk of shame home he’s ever had:
I was at a party in a flat where only students live and at a certain time I was getting pretty intoxicated. I’m not quite sure how it started, but at some point I was making out with this girl, let’s call her Emily, who lived on the same floor the party was at. We wanted some more privacy and thus she was dragging me to her room, which had been seen by some other girls. I think for the story it’s good to know that most people knew each other at this party. The girls who saw us were friends of Emily and they all had another friend who I had hooked up with a while before this party. Anyway, we entered the bedroom, locked the door and things were progressing to the point where we were no longer wearing clothes. The girls who spotted us thought Emily couldn’t do this to their mutual friend and they were banging on the bedroom door. We were pretty drunk and the banging on the door, combined with screaming was kind of disturbing. In fact, Emily thought she could convince her friends that I was not in her room, so that they would leave and we could continue. She quickly put some clothes on, but obviously I had to hide and the only place our drunk minds could think of was her closet. So while she was telling her friends to leave, I was hiding in the closet. I honestly believe they could still see my clothes on the floor though.
They soon left though and we were able to continue. About 10 minutes later, I think, they were back and we were getting annoyed. Once again she opened the door to tell them to leave. This time I just hid under the blankets; she asked me to. They obviously knew Emily wasn’t alone, but she thought she would just say it was someone else who was with her. The girls actually came in the room and I heard them talking right beside me. One person actually sat down on the bed, but that might have been Emily as well, I never found out. I was just not giving a fuck (literally) and waiting for them to finally leave, which they eventually did.
However, this is when shit got weird.. Before we went to sleep, I had to pee. Emily didn’t want me to go to the toilet, because then her friends would see me coming out of her bedroom. She suggested I used some sort of bucket she had in her room. So, I was peeing in a bucket in her bedroom, which was really strange to me. I remember thinking, why am I even doing this? I was honestly happy that I could sleep after that. In the middle of the night I woke up, when I noticed she was moving around. I was half asleep and not really sure if I was seeing things right, but it seemed as if she was peeing next to the bed. I’m not sure if she realised it, or maybe she thought the bucket was there or something. All I know is that she was still very drunk and I just fell back asleep. And then the morning sun rose and we were both waking up. I just wanted to go home asap and got out of bed to search for my clothes. And then I saw them lying next to the bed, on her side. I remembered waking up in the middle of the night, but I was hoping I had it all wrong. I did not. I picked up my clothes and they were wet. My jeans, shirt and vest had been freaking pissed on. The only thing I thought of was the fact that I had to cycle home for about 20 minutes, and I could not do that in my underwear only. So I just sucked it up, put on my pissed on clothes, cycled home and showered for about an hour while thinking: what the hell happened? Emily and I never spoke of the pissed on clothes. I think she was too drunk to remember and I just found it way too awkward to tell her.
[Via Reddit]