Bro’s Buddies Shout Gladiator Quotes While He’s Trying to Bang a Chick
You know what this is.
It’s Hook-Up Heroes.
Pay the toll first. The toll is sending in a story.
I should preface this story by saying that Gladiator is one of my favorite movies. My Senior year of college I shared a house with four of my closest friends as roommates. It was a relatively small house so sound traveled throughout, leading to a few awkward interactions with each others hookups. There’s only so many times one can wake up to a random girl rummaging through the pantry for a breakfast snack or god forbid raiding the fridge of our limited supply of morning beers.
One morning after class I caught my housemate’s FWB going through the stash of Hot cheetos I kept in my room…In my LOCKED room. It had to end.
After a lengthy discussion my housemates and I decided on a set of rules, most important of which was if you’re going to hook up with a girl, if at all possible you go back to her place. Any housemate that brought a girl back to the house would be subject to ridicule. We went through the usual punishments: playing heavy metal outside the door, blasting Field of Dreams, we even went with the classic Mortal Kombat “FINISH HER” routine. Things went well for a while until I brought home a girl (let’s call her Karen).
All my housemates were out for the night and I figured we were safe. Things started getting hot until about halfway through I heard all of my housemates come through the front door. I shushed Karen and held my breath hoping that my housemates wouldn’t hear us. Thinking we were in the clear Karen let out a sigh and with it the loudest queef I’ve ever heard in my life. Right on cue my housemates converged on my door shouting “We who are about to cum salute you!!”
I fully expected Karen to freak out and leave but what she did next completely surprised me. Karen started laughing. “That was funny” she said as she got up from the bed, walked over to the opened the door completely naked and said to my housemates “what we do in life, echoes in eternity”. From that moment on I knew she was a keeper.
Were you not entertained? I wasn’t. Time to go with a better one. How about something with some OLDE ENGLISH flair.
Firstly, to set the scene, I had been seeing this girl for about 5 years (don’t be haters, relationships GUARANTEE regular sex). 8, took it well [Ed. Note: ‘8’ is apparently British slang for girlfriend]. I really had no complaints. So, it was the evening of her sister’s birthday party. Big deal. I had been away working for a while but got back during the day and, looking like a suave motherfucker, drove to the party.
I turned up late (making for the best entrance) and on arrival, I saw 8, did the dutiful thing, said hello but as a bunch of her girls were with her I knew I wouldn’t see her for most of the night. This was perfect; a free bar, slutty university girls to admire, peace and more than likely a drunken finish to the night! A few younger bros I knew were in attendance and we proceeded to drink copious amounts of alcohol. I’m talking real ale, here not some of that shit you call beer in the States (Coors Light, Bud included) before moving on to slamming some shots. A while after my arrival, 8’s Uncle turned up. I offer him a (free) drink but he declined. We started talking about booze but the subject quickly shifted to drugs and how he “relaxes” every night with some pot. This guy is a stoner, a middle aged bro and, luck would have it, the bearer of some smoke that he didn’t mind sharing! We leave the premises for a short while and I continued to get absolutely fucked.
At this point in the evening, smacked, I turned my attention to the ladies who were all looking good. However, one in particular caught my eye; 8’s sister! Now this girl is talent. A casual 9.5 (READ: should be a 10, incredible ass, legs and body, but lacking in the chest department), in a tight-fitting gold dress. She looked unbelievably hot. Now, two of 9.5’s ex’s were present (always a bad idea) and they started to fight. Being a fairly large athletic guy, I threw my head into that problem. Got a couple of knocks but managed to deal with it with relative ease. They both calmed down and one left. I was instantly branded a hero. I headed back to the bar to continue the night as I had intended.
It seemed 9.5 [Ed Note 2: I guess he was calling his girlfriend an 8 earlier. I don’t know my British idioms all that well] was fairly drunk and wanted to thank me further. I helped her to a (few) drink(s) and we chatted for a while. During this time she drunkenly confessed that she often told her friends how great I was with her sister and that she wished she could find someone like me, to which her friends often respond by saying something along the lines of “you should get with him, then”. Now, to say the least I am shocked at this outburst. Her sister (8.5 by this point in the night) is in the same building but it seemed as though 9.5 was coming on strong. When having chats like that in public, with your girlfriend’s sister, there is potential to be sweating like a gypsy with a mortgage…
I decided it was best not to start that game.
Later on, 9.5 dragged me to the dance floor. This is disliked. I attempted to throw some average shapes but dancing is not one of my talents. She continued to persist and being the drunken creature she was, started to grind on me. Whoa.Pump.the.brakes. Thankfully, it was dark, but friends and family were present and that would not look good. Whilst intoxicated myself, I was close to going off like a cut snake but with the control of the Dalai Lama, I reluctantly disengaged and headed back to the bar. I found myself in a moral dilemma.
I cooled off and later took a trip to the toilet… needless to say, I was followed. Luckily, the toilets were quiet. 9.5 pushed me into a stall and before dropping to her knees admitted that she had had this in mind for quite some time. She wanted me. This was amazing, with little effort from me all night, she put her mouth around my cock and started sucking like a champ. Suddenly, I knew it was my god-given duty to pleasure this girl on her birthday. She was filthy; university had changed her from a hot girl into a raw sex machine. She was begging for it! I took her on a one way trip to pound town, all holes and an orgasm later, I said Happy Birthday whilst draining my balls down her throat. We tidied up and headed back out to the party, barely missed, and not before she asked me to keep the events of the night our little secret. She did well to disguise the post-sex John Wayne-like waddle.
I couldn’t help smiling for the rest of the night; I had not been caught fucking a girl that I had fantasised about for years, in a public place. It only got better when I ended up in bed with 8 later in the morning, with 9.5’s juices still fresh, with her telling me that I tasted a little different…HA! I quickly changed the subject and ruined her too.
Since that night, bum taps doubled and we had a few more encounters before it all ended badly with 8. But that’s another story for another time.
That was fun. Now send in yours.