Watch Bros Describe And Draw Their Ideal Vagina–But Beggars Can’t Be Choosers


Semantic satiation is a psychological phenomenon in which saying a word over and over again causes the phrase to lose meaning and sound weird. Vaginas can be viewed in the same light. A glimpse at a vagina is a beautiful thing, almost majestic. But staring at a vagina for too long and really examining its every character trait, and it may start to look like a hairy axe wound. Regardless, vaginas rule, no matter the size or shape. Love you guys, keep up the good work.

So I thought I’d spend my morning utilizing my $100,000 Economics degree by drawing my ideal vagina and continuing to make my parents proud.

The first requirement is my initials etched into her pubic hair, naturally. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Next, I prefer cool vaginas, not fucking Stephen Glansberg ones that sit alone at lunch. Therefore, my ideal cha-cha is wearing sunglasses and generally not giving a fuck. My vagina should also reaffirm me that my penis is worthy because I question that daily. So instead of Googling its size to see where it matches up in the general male population, I’d prefer my vagina to drop me a quick line like “Whoa! I got my hands full tonight!” or “that’s DEFINITELY bigger than a chess piece.”

Needless to say, I haven’t found a vagina that checks every box off my list, but I won’t stop searching until I do. That’s a promise.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.