Bro’s Girlfriend Tells Him She Expects More Out of Him and His Penis, Plus Smoking: Bro or Not Bro?

by 4 years ago

Q: My girlfriend can only orgasm when she's on top, in cowgirl, but she's expressed that she wants to be able to when I'm on top or in various positions. So is this common for a girl to only be able to orgasm in certain positions, and do you have any tips for things I/we can do to help her reach orgasm in different positions?

A: Your girlfriend wants to have orgasms in more than one way? 

Everybody's shocked. 

Biologically there are reasons that women are more likely or even unable to achieve climax in certain positions. 
The shape/angle of her interior makeup, the size/shape of your man-parts and her overall sexual know-how. A lot of factors come to bat in the bedroom. But as with anything, there's ways of solving the greater problem. 

If you're hell bent on getting your lady off–which of course, you should be– then get to work on some major downstairs foreplay. Familiarize your tongue with the curves of your lady's body. 

Tongue, meet Clitoris.

Charmed, I'm sure.

Take her to the point of no return and then take her to town. If you get her worked up enough, you should be able to give her an orgasm just by looking at her. Well, maybe not quite. But you'll definitely have a better chance at achieving a joint orgasm in other positions that just her riding you. See? Everybody wins.

Q: What's your stance on bros who smoke cigs and hooking up with them?

A: My stance on the cigs themselves is much aligned with my stance on the dudes who smoke them; they're sexy, dirty, fun to have around when you're drinking and great with weed.

That is, however, only my personal opinion. In the greater realm of the real world it's a much more polarizing activity. It does, after all, kill you. And ruin your teeth, lungs and skin. And sticks to all your clothes.

Yet somehow, they can still be appealing.

A lot of people hate cigs. You're smart;  you know that. So if you're concerned about offending a girl you like with your unseemly addiction, just play it smart. Don't casually light up on the walk to dinner or when meeting her in between classes. It's a national statistic that the large majority of cigarette smokers come from the impoverished classes of America so if you're going to smoke, do your best to not look homeless while doing so. It's not a good look. I'm also pretty sure tobacco is the leading cause of death in America, so I don't feel great about my karma were I to tell you to smoke a guilt-free pack a day. But ultimately I can't stop you, so I'll just leave you with advice: never be out of stock of gum and hand sanitizer. 

Q: Dear Babe Goddess,
Theres this girl on my floor who I hang out with basically everyday. We have hooked up once but things got weird and after we decided to just act like it never happened. Recently when she's been drunk she's kind of tried to flirt a little but I can't tell if it's a “friend zone” thing or if she wants it.

A: Goddess? Why not.

From where I'm standing it sort of seems like the girl in question is only half-interested sexually, and a lot more interested in you as just a friend. You're a convenience to her when she's drunk; a safe, fairly disease-less option who will settle for just a smooch. But if she 'wanted it' on the reg, she would have it.
Chances are, she's the one who suggested acting like the hookup never happened in the first place and you conceded.

If you consider the ratio of sober hangouts to actual hookups, it becomes pretty clear that you guys are just buds.

Read between the lines: Friend Zone.

If you like her as a person and aren't concerned about developing greater feelings for her, there's no harm in continuing the friendship. But if you're worried that your one-time hookup is going to complicate things go forward, I'd take some time off. Reduce the daily hangouts to weekly, and seek out some potential sexual conquests on the side. Can't be wasting your youth chasing disinterested tail– it's just bad for business.

Q: As a fellow girl just trying to make my way in the world, how do I beat the cold but still manage to look sexy or interesting when I'm wearing a puffer coat? Freezing temperatures are not a good look on a girl and make it pretty hard to wear heels and a skirt out at night. What is your plan of attack? 

A: My plan of attack is to stay fucking warm. But like you, I ruled sexy as more important when faced with the option of warmth, wearing heels to a black tie wedding this past weekend. 

Now don't get me wrong– I crushed the dance floor with the best dressed breaus in the room. But when I woke up the next morning, the icing on my hangover was some ice on my toes; literal frostbite. Seriously. Three days later and I still can't feel the tips of my toes.
Worth it? Probably not. But maybe. 

Don't put yourself through agony for the sake of attracting suitors; between your black puffer coat and Uggs, you could pass for Giselle Bundchen and your great aunt Kathy in the same day during these subzero temps. 

Hell; why not take the inclement weather as a chance to hide a few extra Ben and Jerry's pounds under that coat? 

Bathing suit season is months away. Live big, sister. 

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[Upset girlfriend image via ShutterStock]

TAGSAdvice columnDatingSex

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