Bro’s Signature Move in Bed is ‘I’ll Eat You Out Until You Can’t Resist Me,’ Plus Other Sexploits
It was first semester of junior year at a relatively small school, and naturally by the end of November, prospects start to dwindle. With this said I ventured off to my bro's college about an hour away. I always have a great time at this school and expected nothing less this time around. But what came of it was by far one of the weirdest nights of my life.
Around 12 a.m. we were all pretty fucked up and yet to leave the frat house. I notice this hot girl in a tiny black dress standing alone drinking a beer. I immediately approached her and struck up conversation only to find out that she went to a different school as well and had a very unique name.
We start making out and she immediately asks me if I want to go back to her friends sorority house which I agree to. We approach this mansion of a house, put in the code, and proceed to the room…this is where it gets interesting.
We start hooking up on her friend’s bed and I proceed to stick it in. She stops me and asks if I have a condom…which i don’t (rookie move, I know).
Now we’re frantically searching her friend’s room but we find nothing. I proceed to pull my signature “I'll eat you out until you can’t resist me” move. I did this for an hour, I even ventured to her ass (I was determined) she clearly loved every minute of it but still refused to have sex so I got fed up, hopped off, and started putting my clothes on. She said “cant you just jerk off?”
I laughed and went for the door until I heard her say, “wait!” I looked back and she hopped on the foot of the bed and started fingering herself, she said, “can you jerk off now?” “YUP!” So I hopped on the head of the bed and went at it. I was still mad about not having sex so I decided to get a story out of it…That’s when I stuck my big toe in her as I finished on her.
After that, I stole a bunch of tacos from the kitchen, and walked out.
About a month later, I started dating a girl from home visited her at her school, and one day her roommate came in and said “I hope it’s okay if my sorority sisters come in for a bit?” Lo and behold the toe girl walked in…and it was awesome.
I love the hubris here. “I'll eat you out so good that you'll have no choice but to have unprotected sex with me. What's that? You're still resisting? Let me tongue your asshole for 45-minutes and then we'll see who isn't dying to fuck me.” I dunno, logic seems flawed.
I don't know if this next guy is actually an aspiring romance novelist or not but he felt the need to relate his every sexual experience to a completely separate experience or pop-culture reference.
As we all can see, vagina runs rampant in college. Finding a broad who's not willing to ride this Italian stallion, or any stallion for that matter, is like trying to find Waldo…. Well this horn-dog found her.
(I'd like to preface this story that my own personal sewage pipes were backed up for about 3 weeks. Japan should have issued a tsunami warning when this guy was ready to bust.)
So it was a hot school night, where just like any young schoolboy would be doing schoolwork, I happened to be in my room typing an essay at one in the morning, when I receive the text ” Cum over now” from the bitchy young female who well call the SpermTowel.
Like an excited young puppy pulling his owners with his leash, my jolly-red giant dragged me along the quad like a train pulling into what I thought was her Grand Central Terminal. After arriving at her room, I receive the alarming news that she just “wanted to cuddle” and that her roommate was in the bed next to her. This caused the SpermTowel to be more hated in my mind than Osama Bin Laden was up until the day he died.
I had then thought of myself of as Alexander the Great, conquering any moist and wanting to bang SpermCabin and I decided to stick around to see what could happen.
After 10 minutes of cuddling, the roommate was out like a light, along with SpermTowel’s idea of not doing anything, my idea was to fuckin’ get some. Parting her legs like Moses did the red sea, I used the touch of gold that few possess with their hands and proceeded to make the SpermTowel squirt, moan and groan like the little, innocent fiend she was.
During this oil check, where I checked her oil and rang her bell, she casually stroked my schlong for about 20 minutes.
Unaware of my current lack of ejac situation, I left the young maiden to proceed as she wills. After what seemed like half time for me, she stopped mid stroke and continued to enjoy her state of absolute euphoria. Thinking with his own head, my penis had other plans.
About two minutes later, my head starts to spin (the higher one, of course), I felt as if I was swimming in a pool of butterflies that tickled all over my body until it finally went to the epicenter of this pint-sized man (my penis, of course). Realizing the situation we had on our hands, well actually in my pants, I had to ask myself one question: Did this girl realize that I am so horny that I just nutted in my pants without her contact?
Like a spy plane doing its mission, I casually scoped out the sticky situation and had dawned upon the fact that the SpermTowel was still enjoying the repeating finger wave motion that was inside her.
The job had obviously been finished…well we both did unknowingly.
Sprawling to my feet, I complained that my cum dipped fist had been too wet from her Old Faithful-like poon. She directed me towards the Kleenex, where I proceeded to wipe off the vag juice from my deserving knuckles. Being the cute and cuddly person I am, I proceeded to lean up against the lofted bed and give her some cute kissy faces as I unsuccessfully tried to wipe my OG Mudbone sized 10 roper that was let loose into my pantalones without her noticing.
Spermtowel aggressively yanked me onto the bed where we proceeded to hook up and my manchowder soaked shorts spread like a wildfire all over her sheets and bed. Acting quickly, I told her that I had to go because I had a quiz to study for and it was too hot in her room. She would not take no for an answer, and made me stay for the night and cuddle with her. I thought, “do I really wanna stay. Man she's been a real bitch to me lately.” Well, paybacks a bigger one” so I hopped in her bed and got extra touchy and cuddly throughout the night, despite the fact that her roommate could have been witnessing all of this. At various point throughout the night, I felt a wanting hand come and greet my moist dick and balls.
After using this girl and her bed to wipe up my manseed, I woke her suddenly at 7 a.m. the next day and insisted that I have to go study…. (I didn’t have to study, I was just trying to get home before anyone saw the already crusting sperm that was all over my pants and on her mattress.) She concluded the night with a nice kiss, and a seductive “I owe you one for not making you cum…” I’m debating on buying her the newest edition of “How to tell when your man busts for dummies”
The next night, I hooked up with two other girls and then had Spermtowel clean up the remainder of my kids with her mouth. My ex, who I hate, lives down the hall , so I banged SpermTowel loud enough so that my ex could hear every squeak of the broken mattress and every little orgasm….
Moral of the story #1: Hide your kids, Hide your wife, cuz I’ll bust all over them before they even have a chance to make contact with me.
Moral of the story #2: Payback is a bitch…After leaving my dried seed on her bed the night before, SpermTowel returned the favor by bleeding and queefing all over me that night.
There are no words for that. Except, maybe, “I'm sorry.”
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