Yesterday we brought you the story of Redditor BinanoSplat and his somewhat-clever, vaguely confrontational and very viral plan of dumping his cheating girlfriend. You see, BinanoSplat was dating this girl for at least a month, however upon finding out that she’d been hiding her Facebook relationship status from everyone but him and then going on dates with random guys, he decided it was time for a good ol’ fashioned dump:
BinanoSplat: I mean, her Facebook relationship status has been hidden from all but her for about a month now. So to her I’m just physical companionship at this point. So no. I’m not her boyfriend. I’m just making sure that she knows that I know.
Edit: We were Facebook official. She kept the status hidden though so that she could date around while still “having a boyfriend”. I guess it made her feel good to have the title, but she sure as shit didn’t care about me.Other Redditor: I’m pretty sure he’s saying that she has been telling other people that they are not dating, but in reality she is stringing him along and telling him he’s her boyfriend. So he considered himself the boyfriend but found out he was actually just one of many guys she is secretly seeing. I don’t think the context is different at all. They were supposed to be exclusive but when they aren’t physically together she claims they aren’t dating.
BinanoSplat: This. Exactly. We were Facebook official, but nobody knew about it. She kept it hidden so she could act single around all her friends and other guys.
So what did BinanoSplat do to dump her? According to Matt Keohan’s write-up yesterday, he “left as much collateral damage as possible without coming off as a fucking psychopath.” In other words, he wrote her a card:
Unfortunately for BinanoSplat, his plan was ruined, RUINED I TELL YOU, by the fact that he wanted to be a show-off and posted his entire scheme to Reddit. Not only did his ex-girlfriend’s bestie see the card, but he tattled to her about it as well:
UPDATE: IT’S RUINED….THANKS REDDIT
Her bestie found this and called her. I don’t know how he knew we were even still dating considering how she’s been hiding that fact from everyone.
She just called me. I’ll do my best to transcribe the conversation from memory.
Me: Hey what’s up?
Her: I was calling to ask you that.
Me: I’m getting some Mexican food.
Her: Well Aaron called me and asked me if I was okay.
Me: yeah?
Her: He asked if you had done anything embarrassing today. Then he sent me a picture. So is there anything you want to say to me?
Me: I don’t wanna say anything to you. In fact, I don’t think I wanna talk to you ever again.
loooooooooooong pause
Me: Do you understand why?
Her: I don’t understand anything.
Me: Oh yeah?
Her: I think you’re disrespecting me.
I internally facepalm
Me: If me posting a funny picture is disrespectful, then what is cheating and lying about it?
Her: Who’s cheating?
Me: Go fuck yourself. I’ll leave the key in your mailbox.
Ahhh, young love (assuming these two are young and not middle-aged people who suck at Faceboko). Better luck next time Bro, although for your sake I hope there isn’t a next time, and if there is maybe be a little more secretive about your superspecialawesome breakup plans if you want them to go off without a hitch. If not, BinanoSplat just might end up like this poor guy whose cheating ex nearly ran him over:
[Via Reddit]