Cafe Owner Clears Out His Shop By Letting Out A Fart You Can Almost Smell Through Your Computer And/Or Mobile Device

Brilliant. Letting out a vicious butt burp is always the best defense. Getting claustrophobic on a cramped subway? Let out a burrito bomb and you’ll be able to do fucking jumping jacks. Oh your boy is talking to the girl you were thirsting for at the bar? Walk by and let out a stinker and she’ll leave him faster than Kim K left Kris Humphries. Farts are the ultimate equalizer. There’s a reason my ex-girlfriend left me and it wasn’t because I had a hammer of a hog. It was because I’m lactose intolerant and eat Sargento cheese out of the package. I DON’T NEED YOU ANYWAY PAIGE!

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.