Cats are about as American as borscht and caviar, and they have the emotional range of Vladimir Putin. Felines are cold, cruel pets who care for nothing other than themselves and their own survival. There is none of the typical warmth you see displayed in pets when it comes to cats, they’re just awful, evil creatures.
Case in point, this video from back in November of soldiers returning home from war and trying to greet their cats, only to get brushed aside as if they weren’t just over seas defending our freedoms.
I’d rather be stuck on a deserted island for the rest of my life with a canker sore and orange juice to drink than own a cat.
I’d rather start every day for the rest of my life by waking up and being slapped across the face than own a cat, though I guess that would be pretty similar to owning a cat.
I’d rather be a Cubs fan, knowing my team has a ZERO PERCENT chance of ever winning a championship than own a cat.
I’d rather get stung by a jellyfish on spring break and have to get peed on in public to neutralize the sting than own a cat.
I’d rather be a Malaysian Airlines pilot than own a cat.
I’d rather be a jizz mopper at a Times Square Peep Show than own a cat.
Cats are the worst….’nuff said?