My Cheating Girlfriend Wants An Open Relationship? I Hooked Up With My Best Friend And Now She Won’t Talk To Me?

by 3 years ago  •  2 Comments
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Q: There’s a girl I’ve been friends with for about a year now. My best friend, who has a girlfriend, likes her but apparently she has a thing for me and she’s pretty cute. What should I do because I don’t want to jeopardize our relationship?

A: Ever hear the phrase “Bros before hoes”? Yeah. That.

 

Q: My girlfriend has mentioned she would try an open relationship (her idea), and I found out unbeknownst to her that she’s already been getting Fifty Shades of Grey with another dude. If I wanted to get back at her, do I put it out in the open what she did, or just put her shit in a storage unit and send her packing?

A: Well it depends. Are you a spiteful person who needs the validation from other people saying “Hell yeah fuck her!” in a public forum such as Facebook, or are you a mature adult who can continue living a happy life by simply kicking her to the curb? Neither one is a wrong answer, it just depends on what you’d prefer. Personally I’d move all my stuff out of her room, dump 50 lb. worth of glitter everywhere, puke in her bong as revenge (assuming she has a bong), document all of it and then post it on here so that everyone can see how devious I am and how big of a douche my girlfriend is. I’m honestly hoping that you go the petty revenge route, and in the event that you do feel free to share your story with us HERE.

 

Q: Is there a polite way to say “No your pussy is stank as fuck and your breath smells so I don’t want to have sex with you,” other than making up bullshit excuses?

Additionally, what might happen if I say that directly to her? (phrasing it differently, of course)

  1. No
  2. You will die…because she will kill you. Swiftly.

 

Q: Went out with a friend of mine a couple days ago, had a few drinks and we ended up in a hotel, fooled around and slept there. We’ve known each other for 9 years now but never done anything like this, just kissing. I feel that things got weird, tried to talk to her but she gave me really short texts so I don’t know what’s going on. Should I actually ask if things are awkward between us or leave it and see what happens?

A: If you leave it and see what happens then she’ll just keep avoiding you and eventually you two won’t be friends anymore. Chicks don’t particularly like confrontation, so for most of us when it comes to “Get everything out in the open and be friends again” vs “Running away for life!” we pick the latter. So yes, ask her if and why things are awkward, but do it in person so she can’t avoid your texts and keep blowing you off.

 

Q: There are two girls I’m talking to and both of them are cool and I like them both. One has a slight drug issue and has a drug dealing boyfriend who may or may not want to break my legs (depending on who you ask) we’ll call her snorty. The other girl I just met and she has given me the sign that she is interested in me but so has snorty. My problem is that it seems like every girl I talk to always has a man, I’m conflicted and don’t know what to do, how should I go about this situation?

A: So these are your options:

Girl A: has a drug problem as well as a potentially violent drug-dealing boyfriend
Girl B: does NOT have a drug problem and does NOT have a potentially violent drug-dealing boyfriend

I don’t see how there’s any competition between A and B. Get your legs broken, or don’t get your legs broken? Hmmmm, tough choice.

As for how to go about the situation, you proceed by NOT fucking with “snorty” and finding a girl who isn’t tied up with her coke dealer. Or you wait for snorty to become single if you’re really that in love with the coco. Notice how neither option involves banging her while she has a boyfriend? That way you get to keep your legs AND eventually (maybe) get the girl. Wins all around!

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