Deja Poo: A Chipotle In Virginia Closes As Several Customers Fall Severely Ill

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I think I’m having deja poo. Chipotle has, once again, imposed unrelenting destruction on the bowels of a regionally specific group of people. No one is safe. Don’t bother running or hiding, it will find you and imprison you to the nearest restroom. The latest victims: residents of Sterling, Virginia.

The Washington D.C. suburban Chipotle was forced to close its doors on Monday morning after  at least 13 people reported to the website ‘I Was Poisoned,’ hospitalizing two of them. The entries are pretty entertaining.

One read:

Symptoms: Diarrhea Nausea Vomiting

Details: My whole family ate there on Friday night at 5:30. Late Sunday afternoon I started feeling very nauseous. By 12 am I was vomiting and had diarrhea. My 7 year old son woke up early Monday morning as well with terrible stomach pains and cramping. He even was complaining about slight chest pain later on in the day. Luckily, he never threw up. Just very tired all day and in pain. We both had the exact same thing: brown rice, chicken, tomato, cheese. My husband, who’s on several antibiotics right now didn’t get sick. I’m thinking maybe because he is on a ton of meds. The only thing he didn’t have that we did was cheese. I just now read about how our Chipotle was shut down today after a bunch of people reported being sick. They also all ate there Friday night. I’ve been giving my son and myself Florastor since this all started and luckily we both feel a lot better, but I’m not eating at Chipotle again.

And another:

After eating Chipotle on Saturday around 12:20pm… I began having multiple extreme diarrhea Sunday night at 10pm and even shitted myself,’ one person wrote on the website.

‘Tried to sleep but woke up at 1am and began vomiting in my bed and on the floor… after taking shower and cleaning mess I went back to bed and woke up at 3:30am with more diarrhea and nausea and had chills and was sweating.

‘I went back to bed and woke up at 4:30 and began vomiting more I finally went to bed and when I woke up I went to doctors they said I was their 13th patient to come in from food poisoning from Chipotle Sterling.’

The company said it shut down its Sterling location on Monday after becoming aware of a ‘small number’ of reported illnesses. Health authorities are working to understand the cause but according to Daily Mail, the reported symptoms are consistent with norovirus

Sterling’s store is scheduled to reopen on Thursday – after a ‘complete sanitization,’ but not before its stock price took a hit on Tuesday following the crisis, falling more than 6.6 per cent.

For those affected, you are not alone. Please take comfort in my tale.

[h/t Daily Mail]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.