You’re riding a bus onto campus to catch your 9 a.m. math class when you see who you now believe to be the most beautiful girl in the world. It’s 8:30 in the morning but she’s got nails done hair done everything did, and the most crucial questions of the day (and possibly the week) pop into your head.
“Should I go talk to her? What do I say?”
You get up from your seat and plop down next to her. She doesn’t pay attention to you at first, but she turns her head and you catch her eyes. Time seems to slow down as you try to think of something clever to say to her, but instead you blurt out the first thing that strolls into your empty little head.
“Porcupines.”
She looks at you like you’re a brain damaged hippo with a giant string of drool falling out of your mouth. That’s when you realize she had headphones in.
“What?”
“I said…hi?”
She gives you a weird look not just because you’re a random stranger trying to talk to her before 9 in the morning, but because what the fuck kind of pickup line is that? Congratulations, it’s now 8:35 in the morning and you’re already wishing you’d skipped class today. Don’t feel bad though, not everyone can be Brian Robinson, a man who claims to have gotten with over 500 women just from being a smooth operator on the subway.
Robinson, 48, claims he has gone out with about 500 women since becoming a railway Romeo in 1999.
“My late Uncle Minor was a big womanizer — maybe that was part of my gift,” he said. “He got kicked out of nursing homes for pinching the nurses’ bottoms.”
Robinson’s time-tested approach is to pretend he’s lost and ask for directions.
“I would always say, ‘Is this local or express?’ and then say, ‘I hear an accent: Where are you from?’ It’s an awesome door-opener — 97 percent of all NYC women are from someplace else,” he said…
The trick, he says, is to have a quick conversation where you express interest in who she is and what she does — not trying to overtly hit on her. Then use the deadlines of the subway as an advantage: “I have to get off at the next stop and would love to continue this conversation. Can I get your e-mail address?”
See? He goes in with a strategy, not just some bizarre half-assed attempt at conversation that we both know will fail. And while you’re probably sitting there thinking “Yeah he CLAIMS to be good at picking up chicks, but how do we know if he actually is?” The Post followed Robinson around on the subway last weekend in order to see him in action…and apparently he didn’t disappoint.
…he was as smooth as advertised — getting digits or e-mails from four out of the five stunning straphangers he chatted up.
“Excuse me, does this train run along Sixth Avenue or Eighth Avenue?” he innocently asked Jasmine, 27.
“He was very engaging,” she said, rating Robinson’s technique a 7 out of 10. “He was persistent.”
“You need to just jump up and talk — it doesn’t hurt,” she continued. “At most you’ll get a bitch face.”
If you’re a lonely dude with game so bad you haven’t talked to a girl other than your Mom in years, don’t worry. There may be hope for you. Robinson follows six tips when it comes to hitting on chicks while riding public transportation:
1. Don’t ever try during rush hour.
2. Always carry a loaded MetroCard; pay for her ride if she’s fumbling at the turnstile.
3. Always war a suit and carry a briefcase — it communicates strength and security, even if you live with your mom.
4. Ask where she’s from; if she’s from NYC or somewhere local, just say, “I thought you were French.”
5. Limit the chitchat — once she’s engaged and you’ve developed some dialogue (1 to 2 minutes), say, “I’d love to visit with you longer…but my stop is approaching…do you have e-mail?” Once you get the number or e-mail, get off, even if it’s not your stop. Leave her wanting more.
7. Wait 60 hours before contacting her. Most men text/e-mail immediately. Throw her off, make her wait.
Of course there’s no guarantee these will work for you if you’re an awkward little munchkin, but considering that Robinson isn’t exactly what you’d call a “looker” and still manages to collect numbers, it’s worth a shot, right?
[Via NY Post]
[Header image via Shutterstock and Linkedin]