CNN’s Poppy Harlow Passes Out Live On Air, But Not Before Slurring Her Words Like Your Drunk Aunt

CNN anchor Poppy Harlow passed out live on air this morning after slurring her words like she just downed a liter of Smirnoff. It’s cool to make jokes about it though because she returned several minutes later citing “I got a little hot and I passed out for a moment.” And even if she didn’t return, I’d probably still make jokes about it because I am an insensitive prick who feels most comfortable with taking things just a bit too far. Those are my demons and I fully expect to pass out in the fiery depths of hell.

We have to accept this explanation even though its a complete load of shit, right? I’m no doctor–even though I have diagnosed myself with not having an STD–but this can’t be a real thing. I run hot. I could have pit stains in an igloo and have never been put to sleep by it. You know what has put me to sleep? Alcohol. You know what has made me slur my words? Alcohol. Not saying that’s the case with Poppy, but I’m not saying it’s not the case. Call me a dick, but friends ask the tough questions. The first step to recovery is admitting it, Pop.

[h/t The Big Lead]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.