Hot CNN Reporter Got Too Turnt Up In Baghdad And Is Now Getting Sued For Drunkenly Biting Two EMTs
We’ve all had those nights where we got so drunk we threw up in the bushes sitting outside our frat house and then immediately proceeded to try and bite anyone within a five foot radius. Sometimes your mouth finds body parts, and other times you just faceplant into the yard. For Arwa Damon, she was (un)lucky enough to find body parts.
“According to papers filed in a Manhattan court, Damon got ‘seriously intoxicated’ during a July visit to the United States Embassy in Baghdad. When Tracy Lamar and Charles Simons, a pair of EMTs stationed at the embassy, arrived and tried to help her, she allegedly became ‘abusive’ and bit both of them on their forearms. Simons also said that his knees and arms were injured, while Lamar suffered some bruising. Now they want Damon and the network to pony up $2 million.”
What, two trained EMTs can’t handle one drunk woman? And I’m sure they’ve had worse shit happen to them on the job. Think of it like this, would you rather have a bruise or have someone volcanically spout diarrhea all over the back of an ambulance while you’re inside? Yeah, I’ll take the bruises.
The best part of the whole thing is the apology letter she sent the embassy staff. From the Post :
“’It’s been an extremely stressful time, I was exhausted, I had not had proper food all day and clearly miscalculated how my body would handle the alcohol consumed … Needless to say, I am utterly mortified and take full responsibility for my actions, which are inexcusable.’
She added, ‘I am being filled in on the details of my behavior. I am beyond embarrassed. My actions and words were entirely out of my character, and I hope that everyone can at some point forgive me.’
‘So once again, I am apologizing and extending my thanks to all that were involved in ensuring that I am, thankfully, in the end, taken care of and physically at least OK. Everyone was extremely professional and courteous in the face of my unjustified behavior…'”
Classic drunk fratboy apology, “It’s not my fault because I forgot to eat and I’m super-serially stressed out, guys.” Besides, why eat food when you can just get your day’s worth of calories in whiskey gingers? Oh wait, probably because you’ll be plastered faster than a toddler butt-chugging a fifth of Zelko.