5 Constant Struggles of a Young College Bro
1. Doing Laundry
This one is a real thorn in every Bro's side. The last thing any guy wants to do after a long day of killing it is pull some crusty boxers or beer drenched polo off the floor and take it all the way to the washer. It’s just not natural. Not natural at all. Unfortunately, there are guys out there who have to face this struggle every week.
Solution: Get your slampiece, or a girl vying to be your slampiece to do it. If you don’t have either of those, hire a someone or, you know, actually learn how to function in society.
2. Accidentally Texting Your Bros Instead Of Chicks
Unfortunately, a natural consequence of being a Bro is that we tend to be a little lackadaisical at times. As a result, accidentally sending your bros a text that you intended to send your slampiece is a recurring problem for dudes across America. Inadvertently sending “I can’t wait to watch Girls and cuddle with you all night” to one of your bros, or even worse to multiple bros in a group text, could be life changing. I mean you honestly might have to get a whole new group of friends to avoid the perpetual laughter you will receive for the next five years. Either way, the casual “miss you babe” or “love you sweetie” probably isn’t life changing but a shot to your pride nonetheless, and it happens to bros out there everyday.
Solution: Take literally one second out of your day and see who you are texting before you press the send button. Or stop texting your Bros so much.
3. Getting Caught Jacking Off
Every Bro has been there before, whether you were the witness or the culprit. Sadly, I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum and I can tell you from first hand experience that both sides are equally terrible to be on. No one wants to walk in on their roommate cranking their dick out to Tori Black while Avicii is playing in the background on their computer. As the same time, no one wants their mom walking in on them going after it to some kinky Kazaam video that took four hours to upload. Just an incredibly awkward scene to be a part of. However, it happens to bros everywhere.
Solution: Lock your door every time you jack off. No excuses. Just do it. Come up with a code so your roommate knows what's currently going down.
Honorable mention: Forgetting to exit out of all the porn on your computer and then later opening up your computer in class.
4. Forgetting Girl's Names
All bros are guilty of this, as they should be. If a girl is not at least a solid 7 or doesn’t take the initiative to do something to stand out in our mind, then why the fuck should us bros remember her name? However, it seems that girls are always calling us out for not being able to recall their names. My response to this: “Sorry, whatsyourface, this sounds like a personal problem.”
Solution: Always say her name the moment she tells it to you. Say it again and again during the conversation. It's O.K. to forget fat chicks names, as those are irrelevant to your life.
5. Whiskey Dick
Probably the most devastating constant struggle out there. Getting laid is something us bros treasure. It’s our passion. Its what we think about when we wake up in the morning and when we go to bed at night. Fucking is life and life is fucking. You show me any ten bros in the world and I’ll show you ten bros who love to fuck. This is why Whiskey Dick is no laughing matter for young bros. The struggle comes right before we are about to achieve what we live and breathe for. Just absolutely devastating.
Solution: Learn your limits. Not getting whiskey dick is about trial and error. You've got to ask yourself: would I rather have sex, or one more drink? Choice is yours.