Byron Christianoudis, from Sarasota, FL (because where else?), was arrested recently for pleasuring himself, while looking in the direction of an underage girl, on a public beach. When the police approached him to be all like, “What the fuck are you doing, Bro?!?” Christianoudis offered a pretty reasonable explanation to why he would be masturbating in general but not why he was doing it in public as he watched a minor.
Via The Smoking Gun:
“My girlfriend was out of town and I miss her,” the 44-year-old Sarasota resident said, according to a criminal complaint.
Christianoudis was “sitting in the sand near the sand dunes” when Officer Darin Rath of the Indian Shores Police Department approached him from behind around 6 PM. Rath reported watching Christianoudis “rubbing his genital area (masturbating).”
While pleasuring himself, Christianoudis appeared to be “watching an adult female and a minor female child walking down the waters edge,” Rath noted.
I misspoke in that headline. Christianoudis excuse was wholly horrible. And homelessness is the only adequate excuse to skipping beats in public.
Naturally, I Googled this guy’s name. I Google all of these people’s names to see just how truly fucked they are for committing easily avoidable crimes. Surprisingly, his “jerking off on the beach” incident wasn’t the first thing that came up. It was this video below. Which we can all agree is four minutes of musical mastery.
I guess you can say that the dude just loves to shred…on the guitar and his own genitals.