I don’t get it. I see a sleeping person and I think to myself “That person is sleeping.” The End. Eun-jong Lee, on the other hand, sees a sleeping person and thinks to himself, “Purrrfecttt, her boobies + my hands = fun timez 4 mehhh.” Is this a normal reaction that I’m just not picking up on? Am I supposed to casually grope the random homeless people I see on the subway during my commute to work? This guy’s a visiting scholar at Cornell, so he probably knows a few (aka a LOT of) things that I don’t.
“An Ivy League visiting scholar was arrested Sunday by the FBI after he allegedly groped a sleeping woman’s breast and then tried to slide his hand down her shirt while traveling on a flight from Tokyo to Newark, New Jersey…
Eun-jong Lee, 47, was detained by federal agents upon departing the United Airlines flight. He was subsequently charged with abusing sexual contact, a felony…
According to a criminal complaint sworn by FBI Agent Mary Anne Flippo, Lee and the woman were seated next to each other on Flight 78. The woman, who was traveling alone, told agents she did not know Lee.
During the 13-hour flight, the woman nodded off, Flippo reported. She later awoke to find one of Lee’s hands ‘located on top of her shirt and touching her breast through her clothing.’ Lee then allegedly ‘touched the skin of the Victim’s neck and attempted to place his hand down the front of her shirt.When the woman told Lee to stop touching her, he got up and walked to a restroom at the far end of the aircraft.”
Original statement: Walked to a restroom at the far end of the aircraft.
Translation: Ripped his pants off and started jerking his dick so hard that if he’d been wearing a pedometer on his wrist he would’ve ran 10 miles.
How would hiding in the bathroom fix anything besides? It’s not like the woman’s like “Golly gee willackers where’d that gropey man go? Oh well!” after he’s out of sight. Just goes to show that even the smartest people can be fucking idiots.
[H/T The Smoking Gun]
[Image via Shutterstock]