Desperate, Pathetic Poseur Offers $500 on Craigslist for Someone to Teach Him About Football

by 6 years ago

At least to have them tell it. But as much as lying about our accomplishments is an accepted part of trying to impress women, there's the inevitable shame when that pesky thing called “reality” rears its ugly head.

With that knowledge, it's impossible not to feel for the man behind this whimpering and desperate Craigslist ad. It seems this particular Cassanova had an emasculating run-in with his lady's ex, who told him that he'd played football in college. Our desperate hero responded that he had not only played, but that he was a quarterback. This, of course, was a lie.

With the Super Bowl rapidly approaching, he needs someone to help him. He's offering $500 for someone to teach him football. He's willing to go higher, though, if that teacher was either a college or professional quarterback. Whomever lands this gig should be aware that they'll be facing an uphill battle.:

” I really don't know anything about football except for the fact that touchdowns how you score points and sometimes you kick the ball.”

It gets sadder.

“This is really important to me. I think my girlfriend still really likes her ex and when we first started dating she cheated on me a few times with him, so I really can't risk looking like an idiot in front of both of them.  Oh, also, her ex played “linebacker.” Should I know a lot about playing “linebacker” too? Do quarterbacks normally know about that? I definitely will need to learn all the positions and what they do, but it might help for me to learn something from a “linebacker,” if you know one.  Seriously, this is really important. My girlfriend and I are going through a bit of a rough patch now and she keeps threatening to move out. I'm afraid if I get caught lying about this our relationship is over.”

OK, get real. This has to be some kind of hoax, right? Our football newbie — or a clever prankster with the ability to get inside a broken and troubled mind — makes one final hail mary.

And if you would be willing to text me good comments to say during the game, I'd to pay you an extra $100 for that. Maybe more if they're good comments.

Someone help, or this so-called “linebacker” will be” sacking” his girlfriend on Super Sunday.


TAGSFootballNFLRelationshipsSuper Bowl

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