This Article About Depressed Millennials Will Make You Hate Millennials (Even More)

By 12.02.13

Being thrown in a Soviet gulag, sure, but at least there you don't have to worry about a job or clothes. Perhaps raising a struggling family on a small income, but then your life has meaning. Twenty-somethings don't get that luxury. They didn't even, like, choose to be a 20-something. 

Are you ready to meet Amy? She's a 20-something whom Slate says is representative of an entire generation. 

Amy had mild depression growing up, and it worsened during freshman year of college when she moved from her parents’ house to her dorm. It became increasingly difficult to balance school, socializing, laundry, and a part-time job. 

Oh my! Those tasks. Never before has a generation of young adults been presented with such troublesome tasks. Why, when you were a 20-something in the 1940s, the United States government would send you to Europe. FOR FREE. Talk about easy living. From Amy's (most likely shitty) therapist.

Her case is becoming the norm for twenty- to thirtysomethings I see in my office as a psychotherapist. I’ve had at least 100 college and grad students like Amy crying on my couch because breaching adulthood is too overwhelming.

Yes, the process of aging is fraught with peril. Why is it happening TO ME? I used to be a teen and now I am not. It's apparently an emotionally catastrophe on par with contracting incurable cancer.

Rates of depression are soaring among millennials in college. A 2012 study by the American College Counseling Association reported a 16 percent increase in mental-health visits since 2000 and a significant increase in crisis response over the past five years

My brother is eight years younger than me and just out of college. He hates his job. “Cool,” I told him this week, “I hated my first job out of college. I quit. You can do that, too.” “I guess that's true,” he responded, perking up. According to Slate, the problem is that no one ever told him this.  

The overinvolvement of helicopter parents prevents children from learning how to grapple with disappointments on their own. If parents are navigating every minor situation for their kids, kids never learn to deal with conflict on their own. Helicopter parenting has caused these kids to crash land. 

This is true. When I was being raised (I'm 30 now), my mom always made sandwiches for me to take to lunch. One night (I don't remember when), she said I was too old to have her make sandwiches for me. Four days later, I died of starvation. It sucked. Having never been given a step-by-step, personalized guide to sandwich creation, I was at a complete loss of what to do and chose death. Wait, no, that's not what happened. I made myself a fucking sandwich. Not Amy though, that's too goddamn hard. 

Amy, like many millennials, was groomed to be an academic overachiever, but she became, in reality, an emotional under-achiever. Amy did not have enough coping skills to navigate normal life stressors—how do I get my laundry and my homework done in the same day.

That is literally the hardest conundrum ever faced in the history of the modern world. How do I do these two tasks when one of them involves hours of downtime wherein I can perform the other task? Someone PLEASE revive the corpse of Socrates to see what he says about this. I can borderline barely fucking believe this. Millennials struggle with laundry is an issue faced in today's society. Fuck it all. Thankfully though, THERE IS A CURE. 

Amy is still figuring out how to grow up. After a few months of therapy and medication to stabilize her depression, she started exercising to help relieve anxiety. 

She needed to get on Paxil for her mild depression before she could start a light jogging regimen. If that's not the most damning Millennial sentence ever, I don't know what is.

The End.

Of Everything. 

[Depressed Girl image via Shutterstuck]


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