According to a new 20/20 report that will air tonight on ABC, there are apparently a lot of men that can be found online when you type “Free Sperm” into Google who are ready and willing to selflessly have sex with women who want babies. And just to reiterate, these men will do it for free, too. They’ll just give their glorious life ropes away for free.
Wow.
Heroes. The whole lot of them. All heroes.
Well, all of them except for maybe a guy who goes by the name “Joe.” You see, Joe knocking up broad after broad behind his wife’s back. His rational is that he wants to bring a lot of children into this world, like hundreds, and he thinks his wife’s vagina clearly isn’t up for that task. Don’t let the Duggar’s and their 785 children hear you say that, Joe. Jim Bob will be fucking pissed.
Here’s Joe’s story, per ABC News:
Joe, a married man with three teenage children, asked “20/20” to hide his identity because of the double life he said he leads online as a “natural” sperm donor. He said his wife doesn’t know about his extracurricular activities, but he has written a book about his experiences entitled, “Get Pregnant for Free on the Internet with a Private Sperm Donor.”
“I have a Clark Kent life. Then, I have the Superman life,” Joe said. “People might want to have millions of dollars in the bank, and then, you know, some of us might want to have dozens of children out there.”
When he is not working as an Internet entrepreneur, Joe travels around the country to impregnate women from every walk of life. Sometimes Joe ships his sperm for artificial insemination, but he often donates by having sex.
After seven years, Joe said he has slept with over 100 women for natural insemination.
“I’m unable to have as many children as I want in my relationship, and that would be unreasonable to ask a woman to give birth to 30 children,” said Joe.
When asked how many children he expected to have over his lifetime, Joe’s answer was surprising.
“The World Health Organization said I can get up to 2,500, but I don’t think that will happen in my lifetime. The other donors I know who have a lot [of children] are up there around the 100 range. I’m standing on the shoulders of giants.”
“I have the satisfaction of knowing that I have another descendant out there,” Joe said. “It’s not the road. It’s how we get there, if we actually get there.”
If you’ll excuse me, I now need to grab some Windex to clean my screen because I’m having trouble seeing though all the bullshit that Joe’s story just flung on it.
P.S. I chose that top photo because I’ve got to believe dudes who rock a ponytail would be first in line for this shit.