Donald Trump’s son, Eric Trump, went on Fox News today and said every U.S. citizen should be required to watch this one movie from the oeuvre of America’s most Bro director, Michael Bay, before being allowed to vote.
Fuck yea. I couldn’t agree more. Frankly, I think every American should see every Michael Bay movie before being granted citizenship. Forget a litmus test or amnesty or any of that bullshit. Sit in a room and watch every fucking Michael Bay film and in my book, you are my brethen.
But back to Trump. What one of Bay’s finest could it be?
Is it Bad Boys
The case for: It is certainly important to know what kind of ravages the drug war brought upon this great nation. In fact, with opiate abuse on the rise, this movie is perhaps more important than ever.
Is it The Rock?
The case for: Trump has certainly spoken at lengths about how we currently mistreat our veterans. Does he want the electorate to know just what happens when we push them too far?
Is it Armageddon?
The case for–Ha ha no one gives a shit about Armageddon.
Is it Pearl Harbor?
The case for: If you think we don’t need a wall, look how little an ocean did to keep a safe. That thing was an ocean and Japan still attacked us.
Make the wall as tall as the Pacific is deep and maybe, maybe we will be safe.
Is it Transformers?
The case for: You put a Muslim (I’m certain Eric Trump thinks John Turturro is Muslim) in charge of our secret robot alien division and look what happens. A secret robot alien firebombs a U.S. military installation in the Middle East.
No Muslims in charge of our secret robot alien division.
So guys, question? Which one is it?
If you said none of the above, you’d be correct.
Eric Trump thinks Americans shouldn’t be allowed to vote if they haven’t seen Michael Bay’s 2016 opus 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi starring Jim Krasinski as a former Navy SEAL.
“I think in order to vote in this next election, you should have to watch that movie. I was livid,” Trump said. “She left these guys on a rooftop in the middle of Benghazi getting shot at, having mortars drop on their head because she wouldn’t pick up a phone call in the middle of the night.”
Trump was responding to a Clinton speech delivered today in which she called into question his father’s foreign policy qualifications.
To rebut that, he said he watched a Michael Bay movie.
To rebut that, he said he watched a Michael Bay movie.
In fairness, in 2008, Barack Obama’s daughter Sasha said she didn’t think any American should be allowed to vote unless they saw Kung-Fu Panda.
But she was seven at the time.
[Via Politico]