If You Hate Rape And Murder, Own A Sword, And Are Cool With Amputation Then BOY DO I HAVE THE JOB FOR YOU!!!

Do you hate people who rape and murder? Do you own a sharp sword? Are you cool with chopping a man’s hand or head off? Well, if you are, then you can (sorta) now apply to one of eight job listings in Saudia Arabia for ‘religious executioner’, where you’ll be expected to carryout amputations and executions in accordance with Saudi Arabia’s inredibly strict version of Islamic Sharia Law.

Due to reportedly massive spike in beheadings in 2015 (more so far this year than in all of 2014), job listings for eight executioner positions went up this week on the Saudi Arabia Ministry of Civil Service website. Sure, in order to qualify for the position you might need to follow the strict Sharia Law, and you might need to be of Saudi citizenship. But in reality you really only need two qualifications for this job: you need to be the kind of man capable of chopping off another man’s hand for stealing bread, and chopping off his head for trafficking marijuana or cocaine. That, and you need to own a really sharp sword. You cannot be an executioner without a ridiculously sharp sword. Though I suppose if you were really into the position then you could buy a sharp sword before applying, and mention it in your application to show how sincere you were about wanting to be a Saudi executioner.

The NYT reports:

BEIRUT, Lebanon — Job seekers in Saudi Arabia who have a strong constitution and endorse strict Islamic law might consider new opportunities carrying out public beheadings and amputating the hands of convicted thieves.

The eight positions, as advertised on the website of the Ministry of Civil Service, require no specific skills or educational background for “carrying out the death sentence according to Islamic Shariah after it is ordered by a legal ruling.” But given the grisly nature of the job, a scarcity of qualified swordsmen in some regions of the country and a rise in the frequency of executions, candidates might face a heavy workload.

Saudi Arabia’s justice system punishes drug dealing, arms smuggling, and murder and other violent crimes with death, usually by beheading in a public square.

Although the law also mandates that thieves in some cases have their hands cut off, that punishment is rarely carried out because judges consider it distasteful, according to Saudi lawyers.

On Sunday, Saudi Arabia beheaded a man for a drug offense, making him the 85th person to be executed this year, according to a count by Human Rights Watch based on Saudi government statements. That is almost as many people as the country executed in all of last year, when 88 people were beheaded. Thirty-eight of this year’s executions, including the one on Sunday, were for drug-related crimes with no allegations of violence, according to Adam Coogle, a researcher with Human Rights Watch.

In the United States, 35 prisoners were executed in 2014.

Saudi officials have not commented on the increased pace of beheadings, which Saudi leaders often describe as the best way to deter crime.

At least the guillotine wasn’t someone holding a sword…chopping heads off in public:

That’s a whole lot of people being executed. Why doesn’t Saudi Arabia take as much global criticism as the United States for capital punishment?! And don’t anyone of you say they do. Because you know that’s bullshit. The entire globe looks for any and every opportunity to make Uncle Sam out to be the worst, when in reality we’re the best goddamn country in the history of civilization.

Yahoo! has some more details on these beheadings, which are apparently ALL CARRIED OUT IN PUBLIC:

Amputation of one or both hands is a routine penalty for theft. Drug trafficking, rape, murder, apostasy and armed robbery are all punishable by death.
Most executions are carried out by beheading, but a few are carried out by firing squad, stoning or crucifixion.
All are carried out in public and video footage sometimes appears on the Internet despite a ban on filming.
In January, gruesome footage was posted of a Burmese woman protesting her innocence before being beheaded by a swordsman on a public street in the Muslim holy city of Mecca.
Ignoring her screams, the white-robed executioner forces her to lie down on the ground, near a pedestrian crossing, then severs her head with a curved sword.
The official Saudi Press Agency said that Layla bint Abdul Mutaleb Bassim had been sentenced to death for killing her husband’s six-year-old daughter.

Uhhh, why are we not imposing our free will on these people yet? I get that Saudi Arabia is a shaky alliance of the United States, but HOLY SHIT. Did you read that above? Cutting a woman’s head off in public with a curved sword? That’s worse than anything that takes place in North Korea!

For more on this job position, if you feel as if you’re a qualified applicant, you can click on over to the NYT and/or Yahoo!